Brian Williams lied.
Yes, he did.
He wasn't on that helicopter in Iraq that got shot. He was on the one that didn't.
What a lyin' resume-inflatin' piece of scum.
That's why I don't listen to the news. It' all a bunch of malarkey. Why waste my beautiful mind on all that stuff and nonsense anyways? I've got more important things to do than to keep up with things.
Do I vote? Of course! How do I learn who to vote for?
That's easy. I talk to family and friends that I trust. That's how I know that Obama dictator is a Muslim. Aunt Mildred read it in an email.
I hate Obamacare. I can't get it because my income is too low for the subsidies, and I would qualify for Medicaid but Obama was too stupid to let us have them here in Georgia. Cousin Eddie, our family commie, ol' crazy Eddie says that's because the state government won't extend Medicaid like they do in some other states, but I think he's lying like Brian Williams. Governor Deal is there to make sure my taxes don't go up like those big spending Democrats would if they were in charge. Of course, at my level of income, I don't really pay much income tax, but I'm sure he'll reduce the sales tax, property tax and gas taxes. I mean, look at how much Deal has reduced the price of gas here in Georgia already!
I learn things from my pastor and my church. I learned that you love the sinner but not the sin. That means it's okay to love gays, especially if they don't be gay no more. Or gay acting. Obama is gonna make us marry gay people, and this is going to be devastating to traditional marriage, and I sure don't want to ruin my fourth marriage.
Many in my church say that Democrats can't be Christian. Well, I'm a Christian so I ain't no Democrat. End of story.
I let Uncle Miltie watch the TV news for me, while I stick to wholesome shows like Duck Dynasty, Honey Boo Boo and a whole bunch of Real Housewives. I trust Uncle Miltie more than that Lyin' Brian, or that drag queen, Rachel Hagcow. He tells me all the scoops that I need to know. That's how I know them Iraqis really did have weapons of mass destruction, that AMWAY (or maybe it was ACORN - I forget) rigged the voting to elect Obama, that most people who get welfare are able-bodied people ripping me personally off, that liberals hate Christmas and are at war with it, and that the best way to get the economy moving is to let the rich keep more of their money and get rid of all them pesky government regulations.
There are way too many people sucking off the government teat. I don't need no news program to tell me that. Somebody in front of me in the grocery store was using food stamps, and had manicured nails. How is that possible? Probably took off in a Cadillac too. All these fake poor too lazy to work, and these loafers on disability, it just really burns my goat. Especially when there are legitimate people out there like my sister Wanda, who is on disability because her simonatic nerve is messed up, and she gets fainty when employers ask her to do stuff. But I'm not worried. Them conservatives Uncle Miltie likes will weed the bad people out of welfare, and leave deserving people like my sister on it.
And I don't need no news to tell me that global warming is a hoax. I know that because it was cold this morning. Case closed.
So thank you, family and friends, and my carefully cultivated Facebook friends, for letting me know about Lyin' Brian Williams, and confirming what I done already know.
Watching the news is pointless. Why should I?
Ignorance is bliss.
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