My New Job

 Today was my first day at work.

At work in my new job.  I have worked before, but not recently.  I've been on self-selective medical leave for the last few months. My affliction was idontwannalevehomeitis. Eventually, this was trumped by whollpaythebillsphobia.

I pull my Volkswagon Rabbit into the strip mall's parking lot. There it is.  Horizon.  America's new cellphone network.  They call their phone the Horizon Rocket.  Most people know it from the commercial with kangaroos hopping into the sunset, singing, from West Side Story, "Got a rocket in my pocket."  Most people think it's clever.  I think it's annoying.

I enter.  A little bell chimes.  I'm already wearing the required uniform - a white polo shirt with a Kangaroo and the word Horizon on it, and a name tag that says "Hi! I'm Terry!  Let me tell you about my Rocket!" I also have on khaki pants and navy blue deck shoes. Socks are optional, but I chose to wear them.

A young guy, must be snap out of high school, introduces himself as the store manager.  He takes me back for a 30-minute training video. After, he asks if I had any questions. I didn't.  I wasn't interested enough to think about it.  Just get me to the floor and let me start earning my hefty hourly wage of $12.50 per hour. I could earn more based on my ability to upcharge people.

Three hours in, the manager said that  I was just hanging back and not dealing with customers. He warned me I couldn't do that.  I have to get engaged. It took me a few seconds to realize he wasn't expecting me to find a fiancee.

I have to make some kind of attempt. A middle-aged man was looking at some of the phones, glancing down at some brochures he had brought with him. I thought this guy should be an easy hit.  He already brought his own research.  I just have to agree with him and bingo-bango - I done my due diligence.

He says he is trying to decide between our phone and The Flash 3000.  I look at the plan summary for The Flash 3000 and then compare it to our own plans.

The answer is clear.

"Looking at both plans, I think the answer is unquestionable, sir.  The Flash 3000 plan is superior to ours and has a better, more established network. As a result, I think you'll pay less and have fewer outages."

The manager heard me say this.  He was not impressed.

Today was my last day at work.