The Lady or the Duck?

 

The lady or the duck? Or cat? We can look at the same thing and see different things. One thing can be two things.  

The world is filled with joy and wonder, but it is also filled with sadness and terror. One day we see hope on the horizon. The next, we see nothing but despair and the promise of a better tomorrow fizzle away.

One day you feel that you have done the best you can and helped make a better future for yourself and the ones you love. The next, you feel overwhelmed by how you have fallen short, and even the things you thought you did well were just an illusion.

It may seem I'm referring to bipolar or other health problems. These are serious concerns that need to be addressed, but it is not what I'm centering on here. Instead, this is the natural fluctuation most of us experience.

I once tried out for a play that was several counties over from where I lived. I knew no one else in the group. I went to prepare for a reading with another person I had been assigned to audition with. I tried to be helpful, giving my best advice as to how we could improve our performance and make a good impression. I thought what I suggested must have worked because we both got good parts in the play.

Later, when we had successfully performed our play (winning the Best Play Award for a seven-county theatre association), she told me she had initially thought I was an ass, that she thought it was weird for this person out of nowhere to give her advice on how to audition. Turns out, she was an insider in the theatre group and was pretty much pre-picked to get the role she did. One day, I did a good deed. The next, I was an ass.

I've always battled the fear my whole life that people talk to you one way to your face and another way when you're not there. And that many things you think you're doing right, you're actually doing wrong. They think you're bossy, and you think you're making positive input. You think you're shy and reserved, and they think you're sullen and mean. You speak out with passion, and all they hear is you're out of control. You think you're giving them a book, and they think you're forcing something on them and cluttering their living quarters.

You think you're creating a special occasion for people, and they think you're intruding on what they really want to do, and what they really want to do may not involve you.

I know it's impossible to please everyone all the time. Still, not knowing whether you're doing more harm than good is frustrating. 

And, on a broader scale, it gets frustrating thinking there is hope for the world, that we will straighten up, take on problems like global warming, the income gap, universal health care, and become stronger in democracy and diversity. And then I see it all slipping away as I see so many denying the climate crisis that confronts us, when they choose politicians who run based on hate and fear and who do not value democratic processes, when they descend on public libraries and demand to demonize and exclude others, when one brutal narcissist* gets away with multiple crimes, when we refuse to face our complex past, and so much more.

Please don't read too much into this. I never promised you a blog of nothing but puppy uppers. Sometimes there are doggy downers. I promise to try to be more upbeat next time.

Of course, even if I am upbeat, I can't promise some might misconstrue it anyways.

Sigh.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.**

*I'm referring to Trump, of course.  

**Charles Dickens, from A Tale of Two Cities.