To Civil or Not to Civil

It's a tougher call than you think.

It's clearly okay to be intolerant of the intolerant.  You don't need to be accepting of anyone's hatred towards the "other."

But exactly how far do we extend civility?

Is it necessary to be uncivil to the uncivil?

We have an administration that would leave George Orwell open-jawed in its lying brazenness, in its utter disregard and contempt for democracy, in its willingness to defame public and private citizens alike.  How do we deal with it?  Do we answer their incivility with our own?  Should we be stunned that when we strike back, we're the ones called uncivil?

I don't know if what the Red Hen did was right.  I do know that it is within the standards the Christian Reich has set for itself.  If you're rejecting serving gays because they don't match your moral code, then refusing service to someone who is complicit in the destruction of democracy, who lies with unreserved gusto, who is unconcerned with children being separated from their parents, would indeed be within your purview.

I don't know if I would have done that.  I understand that many establishments have a sign up that they have the right to refuse service to anyone, but that is usually reserved for customers that are rude, dressed offensively (or not all), or carrying weapons (okay, I guess that's not true much anymore - thanks, gun nut extremists).  I get queasy when patrons are refused service on their sexual or political status.  We are still too close to the days of the segregated lunch counter.

I am not excusing Sarah Sanders and her atrocious behavior.  She is as complicit in our incivility as anyone in the country (except for the Grand Poobah of hatespeak and intolerance, the Russian influenced narrow electoral college victor, President Donald J Trump.

It might have been better to have gone up to Sarah Sanders and told her that the owner and staff had serious problems with what she and the Trump administration were doing, but that they would do their best to be courteous and kind to her while she was there.  Of course, had they done this, it would have made no impression on Sarah Sanders, and no news headlines would have generated from it.

It fired up the respective bases.  The Red Hen got booked up for weeks to come.  The liberal media cheered.  It's not quite as enthusiastic reception as a business owner got for refusing to serve Vice President Biden during the 2012 election, where the business was turned into a hero and got a spot at the Republican Convention, but it was mostly appreciated nonetheless.


On the other side?  The one crying for more civility?

Yeah.  Not so much.

There have been loud, nasty protests surrounding The Red Hen.  This has included curse words, name calling, and the throwing of feces and garbage.  The owner of The Red Hen has resigned from a Main Street business associations. They have received bomb threats and death threats, and are now closed until July 5th.

This is not a measured response.  It is a very uncivil response.  It is a dangerous response.  It is a scary response.  It is a brown-shirted response.

I don't know the answer.  Is it right to be uncivil to the uncivil?

When the mildest reaction to incivility (please don't eat at my restaurant) is matched with the ferocity of the violently uncivil, I don't know what we're left with.  What happens when civil disobedience is met with uncivil violence?  What are we left with?

Civil war?

Free Advice Comes Cheaply

They must know something. They succeeded.  I haven't yet.  They must possess some secret knowledge, some special wisdom, that if I could only discern and adopt, I will succeed as well.

Only, that isn't really so.  There is no one path.  No sure way.  That may be harder to accept than putting false faith in one person's foolproof system, but there it is. 

Some advice is good advice, but not all of it, and very few multi-step systems that will lead to inevitable victory.  Life is too complex for that.

There are a plethora of books that purport to show you how to get rich in business.  And many of them are written by those who have succeeded.  They try to explain and universalize their pathway to the top, and promise if you emulate it, you too will reach their level of success.

Well, maybe.  It's certainly true that it is better to work harder than not, but there is little direct correlation between how hard you work and what success you reach.  If so, the world would be controlled by coal miners and construction workers.  The number of people who have worked very hard all their lives and have little to show for it are legion.  And there are many rich people that exist who have put very little effort in their work.

And it's true that being kind and generous to your customers and employees is a very positive thing, and can lead to success, it is no sure thing.  You can be too generous and open, and if the financing isn't right, you can end before you fully launch.  And there are those who rose to the top primarily by exploiting labor and customers,  or have undercut and backstabbed the competition.

The most ridiculous example of trying to emulate business success was a reality competition I watched several years.  I should have known better, but there was a time when I was addicted to reality show competitions, and I would try to sample all of them.  This one was particularly stupid, as the supposed successful entrepreneur who was judging the competition was a know-nothing blowhard who had gone bankrupt multiple times.  His only claim to fame was his ridiculous braggadocio and his fragile membership in the Lucky Sperm Club.  His advice was capricious and arbitrary, and changed and contradicted itself from week to week.  The man was not qualified to give advice to anyone, and you had to feel like the show's producers knew that, and only had him as the judge of The Apprentice for his comedic value.  Otherwise, why put the show in the hands of such a gigantic buffoon? 

Rising to the top in the business world depends on too many factors to be summarized by any one book or set of experiences.  There are skills and talents and having superior ideas, and how you treat people does count for something.  But there is also luck and exploitation and advantages of birth and position.

The same can be said about many other walks of life. I know I am bombarded with writing advice that consumes and often contradicts. It often leaves me paralyzed, unable to write at all, and then I realize, anything you do has to be a mix of the advice you find most helpful, and the light of the own path you blaze yourself.

Success is only a measure of an end result, and can vary depending on what you feel success is.  The journey is the most important thing.  And you need to take the journey that in a way that makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself, and in a way that improves and helps the lives of others.

Success is not simply a measure of money.  It can be valued in other things, as well.  A sense of well being, a sense of personal accomplishment, and a sense of what you have done positive for others, are also important measures of success.

Listen to and read about others.  Ultimately, though, it's up to you and what is most important to you.