Those who know me primarily from FaceBook see that I am not shy in my political expression. And unfortunately, as the Trump years have progressed, it's become less about the issues that are important to me and more about MY GOD HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT THAT VILE DISGUSTING DESTRUCTIVE MAN? CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT HE IS?
What you may not know is that, in my personal life, I talk about politics much less than you think. It's not that I don't want to. It's that I'm afraid to.
I live in an area that is still, to this day, solidly behind Trump. I have progressive friends, thanks to church and Purlie Productions, but for the most part, I am outnumbered and taking a tremendous risk if I open my mouth.
My work ranges from moderate conservatives (who still reluctantly support Trump) to far-right extremists, who are often backed up by their Christian Right religious environment. It's not that they can't talk about politics. They can. Even with clients. It's that I can't talk about it. Seriously. If I do, I could be reported and in big trouble.
Part of the reasoning for this reaches beyond politics. Although I can write and respond fairly well in print, I am a poor debater in person. My heart beats faster, and my blood pressure rises, and my emotions get the best of me. I get loud and strident and less coherent. I wish I were a better person. I really do.
This extends into church as well. I am fortunate to go to an open church, and it probably has a higher percentage of progressives than any other church in our area. There are people that I can talk to and not have to worry about being attacked. But that is not everyone. We have many Trump-style conservatives in our parish as well. I do not go to adult Sunday School anymore because I couldn't seem to control myself. Others were dropping out, and I felt like it should be me that withdraws and not them. So I conceded Sunday School (well, that and transportation issues).
The theatre, particularly WACT (less so Purlie), is a no-politics zone. This is not only to protect my fellow thespians, but it is also so not to disrupt my own concentration on my part. I have to stay focused in order to do a good job. The older I get, the more important my focus is. Multi-tasking in theatre does not work well with me.
On Facebook, I rarely engage Conservative memes. I don't see the point, as I do not have all day to go back and forth and upset them and upset myself. On my own memes and postings, I get a few Trumpeteer responses, but I think most Trumpeteers do not respond or have unfollowed me to some degree.
I saw one this morning that tried to list a bunch of so-called climate predictions over the last few decades that have been proven wrong. It was written with tremendous bile and hatred, nastily dismissing Alexandra Occasio Cortez as a waitress and making fun of Greta Thunberg. This viewpoint was endorsed by someone I knew who I had talked to for years (before the full ban on talking politics and issues had gone into effect) and whom I thought I was reaching to some degree. No. They were still full-fledged climate deniers.
You don't have to look at predictions to know things are going off the rails RIGHT NOW. Sea levels are rising NOW. Mass extinctions are going on RIGHT NOW. Extreme weather events are happening RIGHT NOW. Glaciers and ice caps are happening NOW. Global temperatures are rising NOW. Greta Thunberg is angry for a reason, and you choose just to smart off about her.
It has not been easy being quiet. It has caused more stress and internalized anger than I have ever experienced. People I know who seem like good and decent people have sold their souls to a cultural philosophy that will end democracy and wreck the planet.
And even as impeachment becomes clearer and clearer, it gives me little joy for dealing with what I am surrounded with. If 90% favor impeachment, I will still be living around the 10% that stand firm with him.
Sometimes, it's more than I can take.
I'll continue to strive to be quiet around my Trumpeteer friends. But here on my own blog or social media? Sorry. I'll guess you'll just have to unfriend or unfollow or scroll past it like it's not there.
But if you ever do wake up, please let me know.
I need to have a little bit of hope.
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