Banana Republic Halloween

 

Listen to the music!

Nothing better than be-bopping into work headphoning the Estron's latest hit, Sound Crash, the most popular song in the country as Halloween 2023 approached.  Wearing a ruffled green skirt, Harley Quinn t-shirt, anklet sox, and pink shoes, she knew she was the bomb, the height of Dixon County fashion.

She nodded to the manager, older than her by three years, but thirty years older in behavior. "You're late," the manager complained.

"Am I," she said in a sarcastic tone.  "Did I miss anything?"

The Dixie Land Mills, a shopping district built from Dixon County swampland, was not living up to it's potential, to put it mildly.  Banana Republic was especially down.  The odds of any customers showing until school let out were pretty small.

"Not the point!" the manager exclaimed.  "Get over to lingerie and straighten it out.  Last night, some customer rummaged through it and left a big pile of misplaced bras and panties. And take your headphones off.  You're at work now!"

"Wow!  You are super pissy today, Arlene.  Didn't get any action last night?"

"I'm not talking about that with you.  Get to work."

She snapped a quick salute.  "Yes, Massah boss." Debbie immediately had second thoughts about using that phrase.  Oh, well.  What's the big whoop?  Arlene wasn't black.

"Headphones off, Debbie."

What a crank.  "Tell you what.  I'll keep them on until a customer comes in.  Then I will be the Glommer Queen, following them, upselling them, whatever it takes,"

Arlene sighed.  Not a battle worth having.  She waved to the lingerie, and Debbie got started.

A man passed by the front of the store.  He had a huge automatic rifle strapped on, it's barrel higher than his head.  Not an unusual sight.  Georgia was proudly open carry.  And nobody knew when Antifa or BLM would show up, and our Proud Boys would have to show them who was large and in charge.

Debbie had not really seen the lefty radicals, except a black guy a month ago carrying a rifle, but Security quickly scooped him out of the store.  She didn't know what happened after that.

Oh, great.  Here he comes.  Speaking of radicals, into the store came her old-ex, panting, out of breath, dressed like the hopeless nerd he was, khaki pants and button-down lumber shirt.  What she saw in him was beyond her. Despite the ending of their hook-up, they were still friends.  There was some connection that defied logic.

"What you doing here, Belmont?" she asked.

He said, between gasps.  "That guy with the assault rifle, did you see where he went?

"What?  How would I know?  Do I look like a stalker gawker to you?"

"This is serious, Debs.  I think I might be in real trouble."

"Oh, God, Bels!  What the Biden did you do now?"  Biden was the new curse word.  She didn't know why.  She just went with what's in vogue.

"I spray painted the side of Crowley City Hall."

"What?  What stupid thing did you write?"

"AOC '24."

"Who?"

"She's a politician, a Congresswoman from New York.  They don't like her.  They just arrested her on trumped-up charges to get her out of the way."

"You spray painted a criminal's name onto City Hall?"

"An accused criminal, but that's not all.  I spray painted the Pledge of Allegiance under her name."

"Well, that ain't so bad.  A lot of people like the Pledgers."

"Not when you leave out the phrase 'under God'.

"You weeble-headed moron!  Did anyone see you do this?"

"Yes.  Dotty Mathers was coming out of City Hall and saw me as I was finishing."

Debbie knew little of politics.  But she knew about local politician Dotty Mathers. She was in one part of the Congress and was gonna run in '24 for the other part.  She wasn't sure what it was called, but it had fewer people in it - maybe two each state? "Oh, Lord.  Your pooch is Bidened for sure!"

"I been running ever since, and I don't know what to do.  You're my closest friend, so I came here.  But I think they're trying to track me, like that guy with a gun."

Debbie didn't know if she was honored or insulted by him, considering her his best friend.  "Maybe you should go visit your Aunt in Pittsburgh."

"Maybe you're right.  I don't know.  Crazies rule the Earth now. You may have a point, though.  It may be easier to hide there for a while.  Man, things got really screwed up! He stole that election, don't you know.  Him and his Supreme Court buddies!"

Debbie put her hands over her ears.  "Oh, please, Louise!  Don't bore me with another history lesson!"

"History is important.  Those who don't learn from it are destined to repeat it."

"Cute.  Everyone knows the other guy was trying to steal it, with phone tappies and all kinds of things.  That's why the other guy, and the black President, and that other lady who tied to beat him the first time are all in jail."

"Do you like your cousin Rose?"

"You bet!  She is my number one A-lister!"

"How did you feel when her marriage to Lisa was voided?"

"That was some nasty piece of Biden.  I hated that."

"Who do you think did that?"

"I don't know.  Some county clerk?  A preacher?  I really don't know."

"The Supreme Court!  The President put two more on the Supreme Court, creating an 8 to 1 majority, and they've been stripping us of our rights ever since!"

"Whoah!  That is way above my pay grade! Tell you what!  You get way too uptight over this crap.  You need to chillax and listen to some music."  She tried to hand him her headphones. "Have you heard the latest from Estron?"

They were interrupted by a huge whistle blast,  The coppers!  Debbie pushed Belmont under a table of panties.

Two armed police officers approached Arlene.  "Did you call us, Ma'am?"

"Yes, I did, officer," said Arlene.  There's one of them Antifa people here, hiding under the panties."

Debbie whispered to Belmont, "Run!"

Belmont darted out, but he didn't get very far.

"Sir, you are under arrest for violation of the Dissidents Act."

They hauled him away.  They were no reading of his rights.  Under the Dissidents Act, he was not entitled to any of those.

As he was dragged out, Belmont turned back to Debbie and said, "Remember history!"

Debbie was confused.  She didn't understand what had happened, but something itched at her that it was not quite right.  It certainly irritated her that Arlene narced on Belmont.  What a Biden!

In the back of her mind, a little thought burrowed in, that she might not ever see Belmont again. That made her kind of sad.

Oh well.  Back to separating bras and panties.  Time to listen to Estron again.  Time to think about her Halloween costume.  Which way to go?  Ivanka, Harley, or Proud Girl?

Tough call.

Happy Halloween.