Halloween On ICE

 

October 31, 2026

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

They thought he wouldn't track them. But he was a deer hunter, trained in the art of tracking prey.

Those skills were enhanced by Addy's phone. At least, until the signal stopped.

It seemed like a good idea. Walking the streets of Milwaukee, hopping into different parties at bars and nightclubs. Looking for the ones with the freakiest costumes and music.

They left their third party, hearing tell of one that was the creepiest yet, a haunted building in a sketchy part of the city. Walking there was not as bad as they were led to believe. Until three masked men drove up in a van, jumped out, and abducted Addy. He was hit over the head and left lying dazed on the ground.

They had made a fatal mistake. Eddy was not like everyone else. They were messing with the wrong hombre.

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"Jesus Christ! Won't that bitch ever shut up?"  This seemed like a good idea to have a little fun, but she wouldn't stop squaloring. "Maybe we should just gag her!"

His compatriot shook his head. "Nah! No one's gonna hear her." The three of them had her zip-tied to a chair in an abandoned warehouse, surrounded by a failed industrial park. "Besides, I love it when they fight back."

"You're making a huge mistake!" Addy cried out. "I'm an American!"

"Oh, yeah?" snarled the heaviest set one. None of them was very fit, but the one snarling was the worst. Sitting in a booth at Waffle House would be an impossibility for him. "Prove it!"

"Let me out, and I can get the papers to show you."

"Ha! Whatever you could get would be fake. Just like your Snow White costume!" They laughed.

The one in the Zorro mask spoke up. "You're no more Snow White than that Latino bitch who played her in that woke Disney trash!"

Addy was a light brown woman who looked Latino. "My father was from Mexico, yes, but I was born here in Wisconsin. My mother's family has been here for generations. Please, you're making a mistake.

They laughed. One whose face was covered by a bandana said, "Not possible. ICE doesn't make mistakes. Prepare to be...deported!"

They had descended into yelping hysterics. This was just fun and games to them. ICE was in Milwaukee to "monitor" early voting, intimidating any voter whom they suspected was not a citizen. And boy, did that cast a pretty wide net! The idea was to make people in certain voting districts so intimidated that they wouldn't try to vote. Some hoped that people attempting to vote would strike back, giving the President the excuse to declare martial law and void the election altogether. There was a strong likelihood that the Democrats would reclaim Congress, and that just couldn't be allowed to happen.

But these three agents found the work pretty boring. It was hard to do too much with poll watchers and the press around (what little independent media still existed—oh, there was still work to do in that regard). So, with the noise and chaos of Halloween night, they thought this was the perfect excuse to have a little fun.

"Maybe she has her papers hidden under her costume," chortled the obese one.

They started to pull at her costume. She screamed. "Eddy! Eddy! Please come! I need you!" It was like a prayer that she feared would never be answered.

But then it was. The warehouse door burst open. There was Eddy, in his glorious slasher outfit.

"Who are you?" Zorro asked.

He had on a mask, a mask that for all the world looked like human skin. In his hands was a chainsaw. Eddy proclaimed, in an unaturally high, cartoony voice, "Unhand her and bring her to me. I can't be responsible for what happens if you don't."

"Are you effing insane, Mickey Mouse?" said the one in the bandana face covering. He brought out a nightstick, as did one of the others. The third pulled out a taser. "Who's gonna stop us? You? Sissy man with a toy chainsaw?"

He revved up the chainsaw. "Not a toy."

ICE melted.

Banana Republic Halloween

 

Listen to the music!

Nothing better than be-bopping into work headphoning the Estron's latest hit, Sound Crash, the most popular song in the country as Halloween 2023 approached.  Wearing a ruffled green skirt, Harley Quinn t-shirt, anklet sox, and pink shoes, she knew she was the bomb, the height of Dixon County fashion.

She nodded to the manager, older than her by three years, but thirty years older in behavior. "You're late," the manager complained.

"Am I," she said in a sarcastic tone.  "Did I miss anything?"

The Dixie Land Mills, a shopping district built from Dixon County swampland, was not living up to it's potential, to put it mildly.  Banana Republic was especially down.  The odds of any customers showing until school let out were pretty small.

"Not the point!" the manager exclaimed.  "Get over to lingerie and straighten it out.  Last night, some customer rummaged through it and left a big pile of misplaced bras and panties. And take your headphones off.  You're at work now!"

"Wow!  You are super pissy today, Arlene.  Didn't get any action last night?"

"I'm not talking about that with you.  Get to work."

She snapped a quick salute.  "Yes, Massah boss." Debbie immediately had second thoughts about using that phrase.  Oh, well.  What's the big whoop?  Arlene wasn't black.

"Headphones off, Debbie."

What a crank.  "Tell you what.  I'll keep them on until a customer comes in.  Then I will be the Glommer Queen, following them, upselling them, whatever it takes,"

Arlene sighed.  Not a battle worth having.  She waved to the lingerie, and Debbie got started.

A man passed by the front of the store.  He had a huge automatic rifle strapped on, it's barrel higher than his head.  Not an unusual sight.  Georgia was proudly open carry.  And nobody knew when Antifa or BLM would show up, and our Proud Boys would have to show them who was large and in charge.

Debbie had not really seen the lefty radicals, except a black guy a month ago carrying a rifle, but Security quickly scooped him out of the store.  She didn't know what happened after that.

Oh, great.  Here he comes.  Speaking of radicals, into the store came her old-ex, panting, out of breath, dressed like the hopeless nerd he was, khaki pants and button-down lumber shirt.  What she saw in him was beyond her. Despite the ending of their hook-up, they were still friends.  There was some connection that defied logic.

"What you doing here, Belmont?" she asked.

He said, between gasps.  "That guy with the assault rifle, did you see where he went?

"What?  How would I know?  Do I look like a stalker gawker to you?"

"This is serious, Debs.  I think I might be in real trouble."

"Oh, God, Bels!  What the Biden did you do now?"  Biden was the new curse word.  She didn't know why.  She just went with what's in vogue.

"I spray painted the side of Crowley City Hall."

"What?  What stupid thing did you write?"

"AOC '24."

"Who?"

"She's a politician, a Congresswoman from New York.  They don't like her.  They just arrested her on trumped-up charges to get her out of the way."

"You spray painted a criminal's name onto City Hall?"

"An accused criminal, but that's not all.  I spray painted the Pledge of Allegiance under her name."

"Well, that ain't so bad.  A lot of people like the Pledgers."

"Not when you leave out the phrase 'under God'.

"You weeble-headed moron!  Did anyone see you do this?"

"Yes.  Dotty Mathers was coming out of City Hall and saw me as I was finishing."

Debbie knew little of politics.  But she knew about local politician Dotty Mathers. She was in one part of the Congress and was gonna run in '24 for the other part.  She wasn't sure what it was called, but it had fewer people in it - maybe two each state? "Oh, Lord.  Your pooch is Bidened for sure!"

"I been running ever since, and I don't know what to do.  You're my closest friend, so I came here.  But I think they're trying to track me, like that guy with a gun."

Debbie didn't know if she was honored or insulted by him, considering her his best friend.  "Maybe you should go visit your Aunt in Pittsburgh."

"Maybe you're right.  I don't know.  Crazies rule the Earth now. You may have a point, though.  It may be easier to hide there for a while.  Man, things got really screwed up! He stole that election, don't you know.  Him and his Supreme Court buddies!"

Debbie put her hands over her ears.  "Oh, please, Louise!  Don't bore me with another history lesson!"

"History is important.  Those who don't learn from it are destined to repeat it."

"Cute.  Everyone knows the other guy was trying to steal it, with phone tappies and all kinds of things.  That's why the other guy, and the black President, and that other lady who tied to beat him the first time are all in jail."

"Do you like your cousin Rose?"

"You bet!  She is my number one A-lister!"

"How did you feel when her marriage to Lisa was voided?"

"That was some nasty piece of Biden.  I hated that."

"Who do you think did that?"

"I don't know.  Some county clerk?  A preacher?  I really don't know."

"The Supreme Court!  The President put two more on the Supreme Court, creating an 8 to 1 majority, and they've been stripping us of our rights ever since!"

"Whoah!  That is way above my pay grade! Tell you what!  You get way too uptight over this crap.  You need to chillax and listen to some music."  She tried to hand him her headphones. "Have you heard the latest from Estron?"

They were interrupted by a huge whistle blast,  The coppers!  Debbie pushed Belmont under a table of panties.

Two armed police officers approached Arlene.  "Did you call us, Ma'am?"

"Yes, I did, officer," said Arlene.  There's one of them Antifa people here, hiding under the panties."

Debbie whispered to Belmont, "Run!"

Belmont darted out, but he didn't get very far.

"Sir, you are under arrest for violation of the Dissidents Act."

They hauled him away.  They were no reading of his rights.  Under the Dissidents Act, he was not entitled to any of those.

As he was dragged out, Belmont turned back to Debbie and said, "Remember history!"

Debbie was confused.  She didn't understand what had happened, but something itched at her that it was not quite right.  It certainly irritated her that Arlene narced on Belmont.  What a Biden!

In the back of her mind, a little thought burrowed in, that she might not ever see Belmont again. That made her kind of sad.

Oh well.  Back to separating bras and panties.  Time to listen to Estron again.  Time to think about her Halloween costume.  Which way to go?  Ivanka, Harley, or Proud Girl?

Tough call.

Happy Halloween.