Reflections on Being a Father

 Have I been a good father?

I truly don't know. I have done the best I can, and I genuinely love my boys.

My own father was very special. No, I'm sure he wasn't perfect. We didn't have a lot of father/son bonding time. He didn't play sports with me, and he worked a lot. His fishing and gardening hobbies did not match my personality well. He tried to share them with me, but I had little interest. He read some fiction when he was very young (Tarzan and books about a dog called Kazan) and when he was very old (mostly Westerns). He liked going to the movies, and I remember seeing one or two where it was just him and me.

But where he really shined was in the ethical and moral example of his own life. I learned more about Christianity in how he conducted his own life than I have from any church or book. He taught me about caring and hard work. Any job worth doing was worth doing right. He was, in addition to being my father, my high school principal. I never felt self-conscious about that - he was an outstanding educator, supported by teachers, students, and parents.

Yes, I have misgivings. But when I look at my three sons, it is hard not to be pleased with how they turned out.  

My oldest son, Greg, now 42, is a successful film editor in Los Angeles, working for Apple + TV. He travels to onsite locations, particularly the sports division. His prior job was as a brilliant film colorist, working on such shows as For All Mankind, The Outlanders, and Kevin Can Go Blank Himself. He lives far from me, and I wish I could see him more, but I love him very much.

My middle son, Doug, now 40, is a highly qualified environmental scientist, living in the Catskill Mountains and working for the City of New York, assisting with the water system that serves millions of people. He is married to the beautiful Paige, and they have one daughter, Retta (named after their mother). We had the honor and pleasure of seeing them for over a week in late May/early June, and I'm thrilled to report that my granddaughter took to us right away. I wish I could see them more, and I love them very much.

My youngest son, Benjamin, now 23, graduated on May 23 from Georgia College in Milledgeville in Computer Science and is currently a programmer with Warner Robins Air Force Base. We saw him just this last Saturday, spending the day with him in Warner Robins. I love him very much.

All three share some of my hobbies and interests. They all like comics and fantasy/sci-fi to one degree or another. None of them followed up in Community Theater, although all three were in one more play with me. Like my own Dad, we enjoyed going to the movies and have seen many together. Greg lives that love of movies and films in his work. Benjamin loves role-playing games and is a consummate Dungeon Master.

That is all good, but that is not what I am most proud of my boys for. They are all first-rate people who treat others with kindness and respect. They are polite and friendly with everyone. I don't want to upset my conservative friends, but the fact is they are all Progressives and vote for people who genuinely want to help other people.

How much of it can be credited to me? I'm not really sure. My two older boys had to go through the dissolution of my marriage to their mother. I tried to do that as right as I could, but no matter how careful you are, there is no perfect way to do that. I am sorry and feel very guilty for any scars that were left. 

I give much credit to their mother for her significant contributions in raising them and making them the incredible men they are today. I also give credit to Alison for her love and support of Benjamin and how she welcomed Greg and Doug. All three were always brothers—no one used the term half-brothers. So, yes, Doug and Greg also contributed to Benjamin's growth.

I know I made mistakes. A psychologist could have a field day with my mistakes. But thanks in large part to the contributions of those helping me, I think the boys are all right!

Well, more than all right.

They are FANTASTIC!!!