Reflections on Being a Father

 Have I been a good father?

I truly don't know. I have done the best I can, and I genuinely love my boys.

My own father was very special. No, I'm sure he wasn't perfect. We didn't have a lot of father/son bonding time. He didn't play sports with me, and he worked a lot. His fishing and gardening hobbies did not match my personality well. He tried to share them with me, but I had little interest. He read some fiction when he was very young (Tarzan and books about a dog called Kazan) and when he was very old (mostly Westerns). He liked going to the movies, and I remember seeing one or two where it was just him and me.

But where he really shined was in the ethical and moral example of his own life. I learned more about Christianity in how he conducted his own life than I have from any church or book. He taught me about caring and hard work. Any job worth doing was worth doing right. He was, in addition to being my father, my high school principal. I never felt self-conscious about that - he was an outstanding educator, supported by teachers, students, and parents.

Yes, I have misgivings. But when I look at my three sons, it is hard not to be pleased with how they turned out.  

My oldest son, Greg, now 42, is a successful film editor in Los Angeles, working for Apple + TV. He travels to onsite locations, particularly the sports division. His prior job was as a brilliant film colorist, working on such shows as For All Mankind, The Outlanders, and Kevin Can Go Blank Himself. He lives far from me, and I wish I could see him more, but I love him very much.

My middle son, Doug, now 40, is a highly qualified environmental scientist, living in the Catskill Mountains and working for the City of New York, assisting with the water system that serves millions of people. He is married to the beautiful Paige, and they have one daughter, Retta (named after their mother). We had the honor and pleasure of seeing them for over a week in late May/early June, and I'm thrilled to report that my granddaughter took to us right away. I wish I could see them more, and I love them very much.

My youngest son, Benjamin, now 23, graduated on May 23 from Georgia College in Milledgeville in Computer Science and is currently a programmer with Warner Robins Air Force Base. We saw him just this last Saturday, spending the day with him in Warner Robins. I love him very much.

All three share some of my hobbies and interests. They all like comics and fantasy/sci-fi to one degree or another. None of them followed up in Community Theater, although all three were in one more play with me. Like my own Dad, we enjoyed going to the movies and have seen many together. Greg lives that love of movies and films in his work. Benjamin loves role-playing games and is a consummate Dungeon Master.

That is all good, but that is not what I am most proud of my boys for. They are all first-rate people who treat others with kindness and respect. They are polite and friendly with everyone. I don't want to upset my conservative friends, but the fact is they are all Progressives and vote for people who genuinely want to help other people.

How much of it can be credited to me? I'm not really sure. My two older boys had to go through the dissolution of my marriage to their mother. I tried to do that as right as I could, but no matter how careful you are, there is no perfect way to do that. I am sorry and feel very guilty for any scars that were left. 

I give much credit to their mother for her significant contributions in raising them and making them the incredible men they are today. I also give credit to Alison for her love and support of Benjamin and how she welcomed Greg and Doug. All three were always brothers—no one used the term half-brothers. So, yes, Doug and Greg also contributed to Benjamin's growth.

I know I made mistakes. A psychologist could have a field day with my mistakes. But thanks in large part to the contributions of those helping me, I think the boys are all right!

Well, more than all right.

They are FANTASTIC!!!

Absentee Ballot

 

As you can see, Ellie is riveted by the soccer game between USA and Iran.  

Alison and I have become devoted soccer fans (or what is known everywhere else in the world as 'football'). We love Atlanta United in the MLS and the Portland Thorns in the NWSL. We are thrilled to have a competitive USA team in the World Cup/

But that's not my only reason for following the sport. It's a way for me to communicate with my far-flung older boys (Greg in Pasadena, California, and Doug in the Catskills of New York State). It gives this aging introvert a chance to text each other while we watch the games. I get to know more about their lives and just share everyday bonding. Do I love soccer? Yes. Do I love even more being able to share time with my boys? Absolutely!

Here's a picture of the celebration as America goes up 1 to 0 (the final score). Christian Pulisic dramatically gave up his own body to score the goal, colliding with the goalie, injuring himself, and was out the second half.  

-----------------------------

Oh yes. I forgot. The title of this post is Absentee Ballot.

We have a crucial election coming up. Georgia has a runoff and must decide between the professional and highly competent current Senator, Reverand Raphael Warnock, and Texas resident/Trump sycophant Herschel Walker. Seems like a no-brainer, but given the MAGA impulses that overrule common sense among many in this state. and the blind partisanship that leads people to vote for people THEY KNOW THEY SHOULD NOT, this election is much closer than it has any right to be.

Georgia Republicans, in a fit of voter suppression frenzy, have changed the runoff from nine weeks to four. They originally had scheduled only five days of early voting, with no Saturday voting (a big ef you to working voters). My son, Benjamin, is away at school and will not be here for the initially scheduled voting days.  

He started filling out an absentee ballot request form online a couple of weeks ago but hit bureaucratic snafus when it required steps that he could not readily complete. By the time he came to visit us for Thanksgiving, he had completed the form but had yet to mail it.

MEANWHILE...Georgia courts ruled that Saturday voting could not be barred. I read that some Georgia counties were now offering Saturday voting.  

We went to our county election board and discovered that our county was NOT offering Saturday voting. Okay, fine. Benjamin turned in his absentee ballot request. They looked at it, said it was fine, and that they would mail him an absentee ballot to his college address that day. I thought they could just give it to him, but that is not allowed. It has to be mailed. Fine.

I'm not trying to say anything negative about the election board. They have been friendly, polite, and helpful. They understandably have to follow the rules. They were also frustrated that the legislature had created such a tight turnaround time.

I checked with Benjamin this morning. He had yet to receive the absentee ballot. Look, Benjamin is very busy right now. He is trying to prepare for some very stressful finals and end-of-the-semester projects. He is trying to do the best he can.

At this point, if he gets the ballot, he'll have to overnight it to be sure it gets back in time. Do I hate the idea that he has to, in essence, pay to have his vote counted? I'm not thrilled, but the vote counting means more to us at this point.

Benjamin is not alone in this. Post-election analysis shows that GEN Z (Benjamin's generation) had an outsized effect on the election. Young people made a difference.  

So, this runoff will be hard for many college students to turn around in time.

But that's not a bug of the Republican election changes. It's a feature. They want to minimize the youth vote, and this is a wicked clever way to accomplish that.

I wish Georgia would go to an instant runoff system like they have in Alaska and Maine. Then we wouldn't have to go through this mess.

But Georgia probably won't do that. It makes too much sense.

Until next time,

T. M. Strait

Proud Warnock Voter

Garden Style Wednesday Wanderings: Keeping Your Distance 20

First Wandering Check-In - the Garden.

It's grown beyond the cedar gardening box - see all the starter pots around it!

Most of the taller stuff you see are tomatoes.  There are starting to bud little yellow flowers, which Alison says are preliminary to the tomatoes coming.  Alison loves homegrown tomatoes, so that's a central part of our garden start.  We also have lettuce that Alison started hydroponically, from leftover lettuce stems she got from the school.

We have also recently added broccoli, zucchini, and basil.  They're just starting to peek through the soil.

In the future, we hope to add potatoes, sweet potatoes, and carrots.  We have seeds ordered for those.

We may need to get more cedar planters.

Personal Health

I feel pretty good, but my diet has stalled.  The fallback has not been severe, but it has been enough to halt weight loss.  My excuses?  The lockdown, my erratic work schedule, stress.  Another biggie is with Benjamin being home; we tend to more treat/comfort meals.

But these are just excuses.  The biggest responsibility is mine.  I'm the one who got off track.  I'm the one who needs to have the strength of character to get back on track.

Nevertheless, the work I've done, improving my overall health gives me a better chance should I contract the coronavirus.  A chance, though - no guarantees.  The disease has been rough on even relatively healthy people.

The Work World

For me personally, I should be entering a period of fewer accounting work hours.  This may be true for the rest of the year.  The summer audit I'm normally involved with I won't be participating in - our firm is not doing it this year.  Hopefully, this will help me establish a limited but consistent work routine,

Not so for most of my fellow Georgians.  Whether they like it or not, safe or not, most of them will have to go back to work, thanks to the incredible stupidity of Georgia's Governor, Brian Kemp.  Alison may have to resume a full-time schedule next week, as will other school staff and teachers.  No students yet.  They are still scheduled to start next Fall.

The whole state seems to have lost its mind.  We're returning to normal at a time when cases and deaths have yet to peak.  I am fearful and discouraged.

No One Can Predict What Happens Next

I don't know for sure what happens next.  Maybe a vaccine comes more quickly than one has ever come before.  Maybe it helps cut off the dreaded second wave that is projected for the Fall.

Maybe people who've had it have developed an immunity.  Maybe herd immunity is a real thing.

I don't know.

But I don't think so.

And the way many parts of the world (including many American states) are behaving, I think 1) the first wave will last longer than it needs to, and 2) the second wave will be genuinely frightening.

First Facebook Live Call

Doug had birthday number 36 Monday, and we had our first Facebook Live with him and Greg in California.  Alison, Benjamin and I were on it together.  Technologically, I don't know how it worked, but it did.  Thank goodness I had nothing to do with it.  Alison just answered her phone, and it was there, like magic.  Voila!

Everyone is doing well.  Doug can work from home, for the most part.  He and Paige are tending their garden (our inspiration for our own), their bees and chickens and rabbits, and finishing some household projects to complete their home renovation.  Greg is still working, although Hollywood's slowdown is affecting him.  He is helping put together a special episode of All Rise, an episode set from different actor's home and such, set in the COVID-19 pandemic, and how the various characters are trying to continue on with essential legal work, even from social isolation. 

Be Safe

No matter where you are, no matter how incompetent your President and/or your state and local leaders are, no matter how irrational and incautious some around you behave - please strive to stay as safe as you can.  Stay home if you can.  Keep social distance when you have to go out.  Wear masks.  

Love,

Tom

Merry Christmas One and All!

Merry Christmas, one and all!

From the Straits

Tom 

Alison & Benjamin

Doug & Paige

The Happy Father, Doug the Groom & Greg the Best Man

Skitty

Cocoa Bear

Ellie

Pixie

Boss-A-Man

Merry Christmas!

Merry Merry Christmas!

From our little family!

The Struggle For All Mankind

Exciting news!

My oldest son, Gregory Strait, has his first credited show (as colorist)!

Well, you know, Proud Papa wants to see this!

But,,, it's a part of a new streaming service, Apple TV +.  And we didn't have that.

And the model ROKU we have will not get the Apple TV + app.

Proud Papa will not be deterred!

I bought a brand new state of the art ROKU, Ultimate Plus or some such name that promoted itself as being able to handle the Apple TV + streaming service.

I set that up, finding out with my other streaming services that I had to resign in - they had no idea who I was anymore.  But ok!  It's for my son!  I'll do it!

Setting up Apple TV + was about a two and a half ordeal, as you had to go through the bureaucracy of Apple, and we had to dig up some stuff we had long forgotten.

But, finally, we had it!

We were able to see the first episode of For All Mankind1

And it was awesome!

It's an alternate history where the major variation is that the Russians are the first ones to land on the moon.  It is entertaining and brilliantly done.

And the show's coloring?  Magnificent!  Alison commented that it was one of the few shows she's ever seen where she could still what was going on even when it was dark!

Don't believe me?

Beleive the Apple executive that called my son's boss and said it was the BRST LOOKING SHOW ON THE APPLE TV + STREAMING SERVICE!!!

Woo-hoo!

We are in a free trial that lasts through this Friday.

We have been only able to watch the first episode.  The rest say they are unavailable, even though four episodes have aired.

What the heck?  Iy took considerable research and community questions, and the best we can figure out is that the free trial week is limited to only the first one or two episodes of each series.


WHAT TH'?  WHO DOES THAT?

Apple, I guess.  That is the only downside to the whole thing - trying to work with Apple.  I still can't figure out the ID on my iPhone.  I've tried some but I usually have to say NOT NOW.

Look, though.  The service is not expensive, $4.99 a month.  And it has a number of really great, exciting new shows.

And come Saturday, I'll let you know if we can see more episodes of

THE SHOW WITH THE GREATEST COLOR EDITING OF ALL TIME - 

FOR ALL MANKIND!!!

Update:  Apple TV +, out of nowhere, now works on my desktop, including episode 2 of For All Mankind.  On the ROKU and big TV?  I still can't watch it, and that is where I WANT to watch it.

New Roads Monday Musings

I am trying to cope with the change.  I am trying to deal with my three sons now all away from home.  My oldest is all the way to Calfornia, where he is a successful film editor, specializing in coloring and bringing to life the flat tones of the original filming. Look for his credited work this Fall in the new CBS drama All Rise!

My middle son lives in metro Atlanta, and is a successful Professional Engineer working in the environmental field.  He is married to the beautiful and talented Paige, and they have a home together in a wonderful house where they have solar panels and gardens and bees. 

And now, my youngest son is away at college.  He is starting his post-secondary academic career at Georgia College & State University in Milledgeville.  I'm proud of the way he's taken to it so far.  He has gotten out of the dorm room and met new people.  He has joined the choir.  He attended church and has started up with the Episcopal Youth Group.

Not that things have been tear-free.  Church was particularly hard yesterday, especially the singing.  We were very conscious that his voice was not there next to ours.  There were some more tears during a phone call on Sunday afternoon.

Alison and I are trying to fill our lives with some new roads.  I am once again in theatre, joining the cast of WACT's Murder on the Orient Express.  That's not only practice time, but time taken to learn lines - the older I get, the greater the struggle that is.

Readers of this blog may have noticed that some blog entries are now audio.  Thanks to Benjamin's help, I have finally begun to take baby steps towards a potential audio career.  Hopefully, I will get more polished as time goes on.

We've completed some series binge-watching, recently completing Legion (intriguing but weird - I hate to say it - may be almost too weird), and the first season of You (intense by Lifetime standards).  We're now moving on to the last season of Preacher.

Some familiar roads have also been left behind.  I am moving away from the Writer's Guild.  Five plus years of trying to sustain it have been wearing to me, and I have to take a break from it.  There are some ideas to move forward, but I have to backburn for awhile.  It has to grow to exist without my consistent involvement. 

Right now, I'm still involved in a summer audit at work, so that should keep me occupied this month. 

And Labor Day Weekend is coming soon.  And that hopefully means a visit from Benjamin!

The roads are winding.  The roads are new.

But they're still there.  And they can be traveled.

Sailing Away

She was 27.  I was 23.

We weren't supposed to meet, but we did.

I lived in Michigan.  That is where I grew up, and if I ever wanted to move, I only wanted to move farther north.  It did not snow enough in the Thumb of Michigan to suit me.

My best friend, Evans Bentley, went to Emory Theological School near Atlanta.  He had a long time girlfriend, whom he had met at Michigan State University, that had recently dumped him.  I felt bad for him.  My own life was in kind of an upheaval...I had taught one year of high school, and I was not going to be invited back for a second year.  I had no girlfriend, and not much of anything else.  I was not sure where to go or what to do next.

I decided that summer of '78 to go visit him at Emory and console him.  I would then go on to Florida to see a girl who had moved down there, and I thought might have an interest in me.

By the time I got to Emory, he had already found another girlfriend, and needed no consoling whatsoever. They arranged for me to have a blind date with a friend of his new girlfriend, but she wouldn't be there for a day or two.  Meanwhile, this girl, Betsy South, was being visited by a different friend of hers, whose name I first thought was Loretta, but gradually figured out was Retta.

We all decided to do a few things together.  Why not?  The girl they really wanted me to meet would not be there for awhile.  I thought Retta asked me if I liked to go "selling"  which I thought was a kind of different question to ask someone, until I finally realized from Evans, that she was asking if I liked "sailing".  It would take a little time before I got used to the accents down here.

We did sail, across Lake Lanier.  We camped out.  We climbed Stone Mountain.  We ate at nice Southern restaurants.  And we talked.  And talked.  And her accent no longer became an issue.

I finally met the girl I was supposed to meet.  She was a rather large framed girl, who mostly bragged about how she had gone to a fancy Atlanta restaurant on top of a skyscraper, and had spent tons of money on a huge meal.  Somehow, there was no attraction there.  Besides, I had found another.

A few days later, I returned to Michigan (without having gone to Florida). She visited over Labor Day Weekend, having come up with Evans and Betsy.  She returned, but I could not stop thinking about her.  By mid-October, we were engaged.  On October 31st, Halloween. I moved to Georgia, where I still am to this day.  By the end of December, we were married.

We had two fine boys, Gregory Rountree and Douglas Redwine.  We did everything we could to make a life together, and there was love.

But not everything always works out.  I have no interest in a Baptist style testimonial, with one side confessing, or even worse, blaming the other.  We made it work for quite awhile, because we both cared for each other and our children, but it did end.  At least in being married and sharing a home.

Although not close afterwards, we were never hateful or angry with each other.  Not every action we took was perfect.  Mistakes were made.  But we did do the most important thing right.  We raised both our boys to be outstanding young men.  Since she had primary custody, this was almost entirely related to her and her strength and love.

I remarried.  So did she.  Both of our second marriages were better for us, finding people that suited our basic nature.

Four years ago, Retta was diagnosed with Stage Four cancer.  She battled it valiantly, having more good days than bad.  On Sunday, November 22nd, she lost that battle, my boy Doug at her side.

The funeral Tuesday demonstrated how well loved she was in the small community she had moved to with her husband.  Everyone was impressed with Greg and Doug, what fine gentleman they were, and how much they loved their mother.

You can love someone without being able to live with them.  I loved you and I still love you, Retta.  We may not have been the match we dreamed of being to each other, and  found our own paths to happiness, but we raised two extraordinary boys.

And that's something to be proud of.

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Grandchildren

Okay.  Let me make clear first.  These are not MY grandchildren.  These are my parent's.  The first grandchild was my son, Gregory Roundtree Strait.  This may be one of the earliest pictures to feature the three generations.  Greg seems to have gotten the family smile down solid.  I've got the first beard I ever tried to grow.  Greg's hair darkened over time.  Mine did not.

Greg did not remain alone.  The two on the left are my sister's kids, Tiffany holding young Nicholas.  Greg holds a rather substantially sized toddler, Douglas Redwine Strait.  Nicholas looks at Doug with a combination of awe and fear.

Beach time with Grandma!  After retiring, my Dad bought a lake front house, and the boys would go to Michigan to visit for the summer.

The boys outgrew their Grandparent's height, but they never outgrew their love.

And finally, the late arrival!  Douglas holds the last grandchild to arrive on the scene, Benjamin Sloan Strait.  As you can see, for some unknown reason, my beard has changed colors.

I cannot begin to tell you how much joy and love they provided for my parents, and how much the grandkids got back in return.  

Tiffany recently had a child of her own, Bailey Margaret Burris, making my sister Carol a Grandmother, and now she can begin to experience the same joys that my parents did.

Me?  Not yet.  But I'll be ready when the time comes.