Quick! Who's Your Best Friend?

Quick! Who's your best friend?

 Scout and Gemma have no trouble answering. True, they are the only two cats in our household, but I'm still happy they have bonded. 

The only other pet in the household is Pixie, who has no interest in them. Pixie's best friend is Alison. Pixie basically ignores the cats unless they seem to compete for Alison's attention. Then he turns into a lunging Snarllagaphalious. Pixie has no teeth, and doesn't realize her threats are ... toothless.

Alison has no trouble identifying her best friend. She has reestablished her connection to her childhood friend, Cheryl. They share friend groups and hobbies, and they see each other several times a week.

It made me wonder, though. Who is my best friend?

So I asked Alison, "Quick! Who is my best friend?"

Her answer was swift and direct - "Me."

That is true. She has been my best friend for over thirty years now. Our 30th wedding anniversary will be this November 9th.

But- thinking beyond the scope of marriage and loving spouse, who is my best friend?

I have none. And haven't for quite a while.

Most of my friendships come from the moment, within specific environments or events. I was friendly with work associates, but little that extended past work. I am friendly to many of my fellow parishioners at church, but nothing that extends much past church events.

I have made many friends while in community productions. But only rarely have any of those friendships extended beyond the production's closing.

And now, I rarely do plays anymore. I have found a disconnect due to age. I am usually the oldest person in the cast, sometimes as much as 20 years older than the next-oldest cast member. Doing fewer plays also means I am not as tightly bonded with many of the more frequent performers. Many of them also come from the same church.

I have no close friends from high school, college, or other places I lived. They have all faded away.

I did have a best friend through high school. We went to separate colleges and did not reunite until after college, when he had moved to Atlanta and was preparing to be a pastor in the United Methodist Church, studying theology at Emory University. I came down to visit him and soon moved myself, marrying his girlfriend's best friend. 

We drifted apart when he moved back to Michigan to pastor a church there. For the last three decades, I have lost contact with him.

I'm not writing any of this for sympathy. As it goes - "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina!"* Most of this is rooted in my own personality. I am an introvert who craves some contact but is also often content with my own life, hobbies, and interests. I certainly steer away from social events that would leave me anxious and paralyzed.

Although not necessarily best friends, I have had as many female friends as male friends. I like group activities that are mixed - that have both sexes in them, such as the plays, some church activities, and the library Thriller Book Club. The conversations in these groups are more blended. All-male groups tend to talk about college football, golf, and right-wing politics, much more than I can stomach listening to. All-female groups broach in-depth topics like childbirth, appearances, sharper gossip, and complaints about men. Yes, those are broad stereotypes - they're not always true.

Since I don't truly have a best friend (outside of family), I have to be careful not to overestimate how close I am to people or overshare. Nobody is that interested in micro-comments about my health, my politics, or my attitudes about things like tattoos and piercings. Sometimes, when you share your thoughts with someone you don't know well, you may say something that doesn't match their experience. My thoughts on suicide and suicide attempts may run counter to other people, especially if I don't know their background or their own experiences.

But I digress too much. I love my readers, but they are not my best friends either. Social media can trick us that way.

Still, it does help me to write my thoughts, and I appreciate all who have read them, new and long-time readers, both.

Until nest time.

T. M. Strait

AOC '28

*Speaking of Madonna, she is only roughly three years younger than me. She was in a high school in a nearby town, one I had a speech contest in when she was a freshman. Can you imagine me in a friendship with Madonna? There's a twisted road not taken!