We had a review of our work at the accounting firm I am employed with. There were a number of problems with an assignment I handled, and although there was nothing horribly wrong, it was enough to make me feel pretty bad and inadequate. Accounting can be quite discouraging to me, at least as something fulfilling to do, or something I can feel a large sense of accomplishment. It's something that I can do adequately, and customarily with a high degree of accuracy, but it is not something I can shine in, nor receive a great deal of recognition.
I would love to leave accounting, but I am a responsible person, and I want to do what's right by my family, and not have to endure financial sacrifices for me to do so. So I have spent the last few years building up my ability in something I enjoy more and was hoping might build to be a supplemental income over time. So I write, for enjoyment and personal satisfaction, but also in hopes that it can accelerate my phase out from accounting.
But on the same day when my nose is being shoved into my inadequacies as an accountant, I receive a major blow to getting some of the recognition I crave as a writer. An affirmation I was hoping to get was not to be. Was I wasting my time? Was I also a mediocre writer? Am I all quantity and very little quality? It caused me to have doubts in the very thing that I was hoping would lead me out of the accounting wilderness. And on the very day when I needed to be most assured.
I was low and getting lower.
And then the evening came. And I got an important reality check. A great kick in the pants as to what it's important.
Benjamin had his first performance with the school pep band.
That's Benjamin, in the middle, waving, holding the big ol' baritone horn.
Benjamin has had a rough time in 8th grade. He is in a classroom pod with many boys who are athletic and/or quite different than Benjamin, and he was having a hard time making friends. Then he joined Pep Band, and he has discovered that band was actually fun, and he was making new friends, outside of the bullies that dominated his regular classroom. He has joined student council, Beta Club and a student group that tests new school lunch items. I am so proud of him.
It did me good to see Benjamin doing so well, and having a good time. I also saw other friends, like Kimberly Beck and her two girls that are part of a dance troupe called the Blue Diamonds. There was even a football game going on that I found myself being drawn into. I found myself getting excited and cheering, surprising myself with my unexpected participation.
Yes, it's amazing how good life can be when you pull your head out of your own ass.
Would I like to be a writer? Yes. Am I likely to make much money off of it? Probably not. Will I stop writing?
Hell, no. Even if it's just for me, even if it is just one hand clapping, I will not stop. Come along for the ride or not. That is up to you.
But the ride will be here, for anyone who wants to climb aboard. No admission charged.
At least right now.
Bwahahaha!
No comments:
Post a Comment