Pastor Dan, and the friendly servants of Christ at New Life, are well aware of the rules that do not allow us, as a charitable religious organization, to officially endorse any candidate from the pulpit. And we will faithfully obey that vile federal interference with our rights, because we like our 501-c3 charitable status.
We are, however, allowed to distribute voter guides to our congregation and other interested true believers, that merely summarize the issues and where candidates stand, and let the individual voter come to his or her own conclusions as to who will further the cause of our dear Lord and Savior, and who will send us closer to the fiery pits of hell.
President
Looking closely at this all important race, we see we have successful businessman, Donald J Trump, versus Satan's step-daughter, Hillary Clinton.
Granted, Donald Trump has some problems with misogyny and racism. It's true that he has an authoritarian streak and admires strong-arm dictators from around the world (but really, is that a bad thing in someone who could do so much good for this country? And don't we Christians love a strong father figure? Requires a lot less thinking on our part). It's true that some of his business practices have been questionable, hurting small business people by not paying them and going bankrupt several times.
None of that is the most important thing. The most important thing is the Supreme Court. He will place on the Court justices who will eliminate the greatest scourge of this land, Roe v. Wade. It is shown that if the power of banning abortion is returned to the states, those states that will ban abortion could eliminate as much as 10% of the abortions that occur (assuming no one crosses state lines). Of course, abortion rates have drooped more than 40% in places where there is better sex education, access to birth control, and greater support of the poor. But that is neither here nor there. That route does not emphasize the control of women, and placing ourselves between women and their doctor.
He will place the Second Amendment in safe hands, preserving it for decades to come. We cannot emphasize enough the Christian importance of having enough weaponry to overthrow a tyrannical government if elections don't go our way.
Senator
If the election is rigged and the evil Hillary Clinton squirms her slithering body to power, then control of the Senate becomes vital. That means a vote for Republican Johnny Isakson over whoever his opponent is (frankly, we haven't bothered to learn his name). He can be persuaded to be part of a group that will block all of Killary's nominees, even if the Supreme Court dwindles to nothing.
Congressman
The only person in the race is our very own church member, Dotty Mathers. God bless gerrymandering, as the godless heathen Democrats are not even able to run an opponent. Truly, elections as God intended. Dotty has promised to vote to eliminate the food stamp program, as we all know that God wants the lazy to fish for themselves. She also will work to impeach the Devil's Priestess (should she happen to steal the election) from Day One. Why wait around to do God's work?
Georgia Amendment One
This will be the blessed poison pill that will destroy public education, the source of much of the evil that this country faces. It will start with minority communities that have behaved irresponsibly, and bring those communities closer to the glories of Christ and capitalism. Then it will slowly expand, year after year, until finally it consumes even Dixon County schools. We can restore prayer (as written by Pastor Dan, of course), stop teaching evilution, destroy the separation between church and state (as long as it's our church, of course), purge the satanic books from the library (bye-bye, Harry Potter!), deny climate change, and preach abstinence (because it works so well).
Thank you for reading this important voter guide. Of course, you don't have to vote the way this guide suggests. You have free will. And, please, if you vote for Killary and her heathen associates, enjoy going to a different church after you are ex-communicated from this one.
Have a blessed day, y'all.
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