Way Too Early 2016 Speculatron Saturday Political Soap Box 63

Yes, I'm at it again.

I don't even know how the 2014 elections will turn out (most likely very small gains for one party or the other), and I'm ready to speculate on the 2016 race!

Well, here I go, plunging into madness! This edition will focus exclusively on.........

REPUBLICANS

Overcard

Cruz/Ayotte

To me, Senator Ted Cruz of Texas is one of the more truly disgusting and dangerous politicians I have seen in a long time.  A proud and uncompromising extremist, he is melting the hearts of Tea Party Amerika (a wholly owned subsidiary of RepubliCorp).  He is leading the fight to keep guns unregulated in any way, and into the hands of whoever wants them without any background checks or restrictions of any kind.  He acts like Joe McCarthy, and has the extra special bonus of kinda looking like him too.

Kelly Ayotte, Senator form New Hampshire, is a great fit for him.  She will (in Republican's minds) attract a greater share of women's votes.  She is almost as extreme as Cruz, but projects herself as reasonable.  She hangs out with so-called foreign policy Senators McCain and Graham, and somehow their disastrously wrong foreign policy experience is rubbing off on her,

Undercard

Christie/Jindal

I don't like Chris Chistie's (Governor of New Jersey) political positions nor his persona.  But I'm not completely stupid.  I recognize it's popularity,and that it is capable of crossing over to independent voters.  True or not, he gives the appearance of having the capability of telling his own party to shove it if he thinks they're wrong or working against the public's interest.  This makes him more popular to the public as a whole, and  less so to the extremists that control the Republican party. He has recently shown his serious interest in a run by having lap band surgery to reduce weight,

Bobby Jindal

Bobby Jindal, Governor of Louisiana, helps balance the ticket with Southern appeal.  He is more popular than Christie with the religious right, and has shown brief, fleeting seconds of semi-reasonableness.


Super Undercard

Bush/Rubio

This is the Republicans Hail Mary, and also would be the Republican establishment's last gasp. And yes, I'm aware that technically, Jeb Bush and Mario Rubio are from the same state, Florida.  But what they hey - that didn't stop Bush/Cheney!  They were rich enough to claim residence in any number of states.

Wild Cards

Rand Paul could still do it, but he doesn't quite have Ted Cruz's dramatic flair for crazy.  Paul Ryan has an appeal to people who don't understand math and hate the poor, but he also has to carry the stink of the Romney run.  Sarah Palin could run, but not even the rapture could help her win.