Lack of Acheivement

I have to take a hard look at what I am doing and what I am actually achieving.

The one thing I have accomplished since adjusting my work schedule to give me most Fridays has been this blog (and the children's play, Young Robin Hood).  These have not replaced the income that I have lost.

There's not a lot of stress on me to replace that income.  We are doing very well without it.  It is difficult as a family co-provider though, not to feel like you're doing your best.

I have to give up on the concept that this blog can be an end all and be all.  I am still determined to write and contribute as much as possible.  It can still serve as an engine for other things.  But I think I need to fond other means to provide what I'm looking  for.

I need to build up my inventory of stuff (not completely deficient there with 574 blog posts) and parlay that into ebooks.  Smashwords has been very frustrating in achieving that, in it's formatting demands, but I understand there are easier alternatives out there.  Amazon ebooks is supposed to be easier to access and format.  I have to increase my knowledge base enough in order to do that.

I need to redouble my efforts with the fledgling Writer's Guild of Okefenokee Heritage Center.  Even if I can't get published like I want to, I can do more to help the arts community here.  Maybe get a magazine started, or some collective publishing effort.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have developed self-criticism and doubt to an art form, but there is one thing I do know that I can do, and do as well as anybody anywhere.  I can read aloud very, very well.  I've just never figured out how I can do that at a level that brings income or satisfaction.  I will have to keep looking at the possibilities there.

I see the page clicks accumulate on my site, and I think that I am accomplishing something.  But I get little feedback for what I actually write.  Many of my page views might come from posts that have made it onto sites that just generate spam. Some people whose opinion I value are absolutely silent.  It can get very discouraging.

But I did not start dreaming, from the time I could string words together on paper, about becoming a real writer, just to give up now.  I'll find another way.

Maybe it won't work.  Maybe I'm just tilting at windmills, the Don Quixote of the blogger world. There's just one thing I don't want said about me -

He stopped trying.