Mixing Honey with Lemon

What I am about to tell you is according to my taste buds.  Please adjust this analogy accordingly to suit your own.

Honey is sweet.  Maybe too sweet by itself.

Lemon is sour, at least for me.  And virtually impossible for me to digest by itself.

But honey mixed with lemon...ah, now....that can be special.  Like the honey lemon cold remedy that goes down easy, and can actually help to make things better.

My father taught me many things.  This is one of the most important.  Honey (the sweet) can help make lemon (the sour) go down easier.

As school principal, he often had teachers fall short of what they should be.  Some glaring problem that needed to be fixed.

99% of the time, when he called a teacher in to talk with him, he didn't immediately start lambasting them, trying to make them feel bad and small.  No, he led with what they were doing well, the things that were positive about the teacher.  Think about it. The teacher wasn't an irredeemable mess that needed to be fired, just someone who needed a behavior or technique corrected.  After the sweet, as he got them in a good frame of mind, he would slip in the thing they needed to improve.  And, at that point, they would be so comfortable and positive about my Dad, that they would gladly do better to further please him.

My Dad was a very successful Principal, well-liked and well-respected.  He ran a very good school, and the teachers and students often performed beyond normal expectations.  And that's because he knew how to talk to people.  The best way to get the lemon to go down was by adding a bit of honey.

In working with the OHC Writer's Guild, as founder and President of the Writer's Guild, I think there may be some expectation that I am going to be critical, constructively of course, of other Guild member's writings.  That's not going to happen often.  I see myself as more supportive than critical.  They'll have to get that someplace else.  If I do say something corrective about their writing, it will only be in the context of saying something positive.  I will always tell them the positive before I say anything corrective.

I know myself, I have very thin skin.  I take rejection and criticism very hard.  I wish I wasn't that way, and although at 58 I've gotten a little better, I still take it harder than I should.  But those who use my Dad's technique have a much, much better chance of me absorbing their corrections and improving myself.  This is true especially concerning my job and my writings (not so much my acting - it's hard for anyone to shake my confidence in that).

Sadly, I don't always practice what I preach.

I sometimes get in that shorthand, common in marriage with someone you love, and forget to balance things out.  But even in those times, where we genuinely love each other, we balance things out over time.

Sometimes I fall into the "only lemon trap" with Benjamin, my 13 year old son, particularly when it comes to school and academics.  My expectations reach almost Tiger Mom levels, and I become overly critical instead of taking the time to balance things out.

When I found out a week before the honors ceremony that he had qualified for Beta Club (a special club for academic and civic achievers), but was not going to get the honor because he had failed to pay some dues in the Fall, I was very upset.  I, not familiar with the Beta Club, had no concept that there would even be dues, and he had never given us notice of it.

He knew I was disappointed, but he was okay through the ceremony, where he received three ribbons for having all As in three subjects all year long. He also exceeded on all parts of the CRCT exam, and was the top reader in his group of several classrooms.  But when it came time to honor the Beta Club members, and he realized that he was not going to get to go up there, he became very sad and teared up.  We could not take his picture after, because his face was puffy and he was very hurt.

I tried to put a positive spin on it, but it was too late.  I'm glad that he felt something, that maybe he will remember better the next time, but I felt awful that earlier in the week, I had only given him lemon, without mixing in any honey.

Benjamin comes by his absent-mindedness naturally.  He inherited it from one of his parents.  I'll let you guess, but his initials are Tom Strait.  Right now, we will not be able to mow the yard this weekend, because I failed to bring our broken lawn mowers into the repair shop to be fixed.  And trust me, that's one of just a zillion examples of my forgetfulness.

We have a four day weekend coming up, Benjamin and I.  Alison works Monday, so it is just Benjamin and me that day.  Which means I have four days to get the mix right, to get the perfect blend of honey and lemon, and make everything better.

Wish me luck.  I am proud of my young son.  I love him very much.