My Pillows, Guys! (guest starring Gemma!)

 Welcome to my reading chair!

It's not very new.  In some ways, it's halfway to being a bean bag. But it's comfortable to me.  Maybe a bit too comfortable, as I sometimes fall asleep.

I'm proud of my small collection of throw pillows. They are interesting reflections on my personality.

First up, we have Marvin the Martian.  I love Looney Tunes, and Marvin is my favorite character.  I love mimicking his voice.

"This makes me very angry. Very angry indeed."

"Oh goodie! My Illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator." 

"Don't worry folks! After all, it's only a cartoon." 

It hearkens back to fourth grade when my overactive imagination led me to fantasize that I was a Martian.  Eventually, fellow fourth-graders started mocking me, calling me "Martian".

Next up is a pillow with bookcases.  I like that part.  Reading books is my middle name (along with Martian).  

The flowers? Eh, not so much.  Whatever gene that makes one excited about flowers and plants is completely missing in me,

And what would a T. M. Strait reading chair be without politics?

I have not been shy about my endorsement of AOC (Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez).  

I endorsed her just days after Kamala Harris's defeat.  

And every day since has convinced me of her competence, capabilities, and her desire to help all Americans, especially the working class.

And, of course, what collection of T. M. Strait pillows would be complete without a comic book-themed pillow?

This pillow features some of DC's iconic, extraordinary female heroines: Batgirl, Wonder Woman, and Supergirl.

And yes, Supergirl was a great movie.  I'm sorry so many of you missed it.  Maybe sometime in the future, it will be recognized for the classic it is.

The movie Superman involved fighting an evil billionaire and stopping a foreign dictator veering into genocide.

The movie Supergirl involved stopping a trafficker of young girls.

Oh. I guess that's why the MAGA bros don't like them.

We live in dark times.

But also bright pillows,

Thanx and a hat's tip to our beautiful young kitten, Gemma, for playing Vanna White for this post!

Until next time,

Thomas Marty Martian Strait

AOC '28

Ya Gotta Get Up! Ya Gotta Get Up! Ya Gotta Get Up in the Morning!

 Come on, Scout!  Up and at'em!

Alison started her new Summer schedule at work.  The good news?  She'll have Fridays off! Yay!  The bad news? Mondays through Thursdays will be longer days, starting work at 7 AM instead of 8 AM!

I usually get up (or am rousted) around 6:25 to help take care of the pets (letting them out, feeding them, etc.). That time is now 6 AM.

You would think I'd solve this by simply going to bed earlier, to balance things out.  But nah, I'll stick with my 11:20 time to turn off the TV and start the headed-to-bed routine. I'm stubborn that way.

It could mean I drift off while reading, or fall asleep during a cabinet meeting.  But I have to be careful.  Any nap may make it harder to fall asleep that night.  

I normally get about five and a half to six hours of sleep a night.  If I try to do more, insomnia could result.  At least enough to keep me in my usual range of hours.

I know all the theories about how much sleep people need, but I feel like everyone has their own internal clock.  There is greater variance in the amount of sleep required than is popularly expected.  At least that's my non-medical expert opinion.*

But without heavy drugging, there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it anyway.

Oh, well.

Anyhoo, I like being awake.  I...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Sorry.  Took a brief nap.

Until next time,

T. M. Strait

AOC '28

*just think. If I were RFK Jr., all my non-medical expert opinions could become Federal law!

My Irish Eyes

 

My Irish Eyes are Smiling

A'Smiling Up at You

Except my eyes aren't Irish.  If green means Irish, that's a pretty rare eye color. It's less than 2% of the population, and although the Irish may have a slightly higher concentration, it's nowhere near a dominant trait.

My father carefully laid out his ancestry, dating back to the Welshman who first came here in the mid-seventeenth century.  He carefully traces the subsequent 13 generations, but he doesn't often identify the original nationality of those they're marrying. I know they're references to English and  German, but nothing else specific. I'd like to think we played the field.  The only other reference is a vague late 19th-century warning not to marry the "damn Dutch". That type of warning makes me think somebody had already done did that.

My mother's side has no equivalent history.  There is a notion that many were Scotch-Irish.  That doesn't mean Irish. They were Scots who were enticed to go to Ireland (particularly Northern Ireland) to tame the native Irish and keep them in Great Britain. The plan kinda worked and kinda didn't.  The island is now divided between Northern Ireland (part of Great Britain) and the independent Irish Republic.

I've never taken a DNA test.  It may be interesting, but ultimately, I see myself as me, not as a personality driven by the "cultures" of arbitrary nation-states.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. I don't drink beer, green, or any other color.  I've never been to a St. Patrick's Day party. Sometimes I wear green - if I think about it and am going to be around people who care. This year, probably not.  I don't expect to see many people.  But who knows? Because of this blog story, it's more on my mind than it otherwise would be.

This is me.  Yes, I'm lousy at taking selfies.  It was everything I could do just to keep my eyes open.  It's not enhanced like the model's up above.  Hard to tell on the interwebs whether that one is a natural eye color.

Hazel brown?  Hazel green?  Just brown?

I have no idea.  I'm glad there is no place I have to identify my eye color.

I'm not sure how relevant it is that I am or am not Irish.  I do know that Alison and I visited there a few years back, and we fell in love with the place. We have, on occasion, looked at what it would take to move there.  

In this age of the Orange Conman, there are a lot of places we've looked to move to.

Wandering Dunes

 Are those dunes? Eh, maybe.

It's the world-famous Jekyll Island, semi-exclusive off the coast of Southeast Georgia. Well, semi-exclusive in that it requires an $8 day pass to get on the island. We go there once every few years, nowhere as often as we go to St. Simon's Island.

Think Mackinaw Island, but with cars. And bars. Men from Mars? Probably not, but I can't rule it out.

You really want dunes? Try Sleeping Bear Dunes in Northern Michigan, by Lake Michigan.

We'd go there when I was a kid. Boy, it was exhausting getting up and down them! They are also well known for dune buggy rides. After going up and down a couple, I was certainly in favor of that mode of transportation.

Ok, this is if you really REALLY want dunes! Try the Sahara. They went for miles, and they got camels and bedouins.  

I had trouble getting up the Sleeping Bear Dunes, so I will give these a hard pass. I'll see them in the movies or National Geographic specials.

Oh, my goodness. Just looking at that makes me thirsty.

Pardon me while I go to the oasis.

Wanderingly yours,

T. M. Strait

February and its Usual Premature Exit

 

Well, well, is that Blackshear in February?

Nah, I think that's Dubuque, Iowa. Snow in Blackshear is rare.

The last time I remember was January a few years ago. It actually stuck for a few days. Freaked everybody out!

What are we getting at the end of this February? A high of 84! Even for us, that's pretty darn high for this time of year. I don't do well in high heat, so I stay indoors as much as possible.

Imagine being born on February 29th! You get your true birthday only every four years! We have one friend like that, Vincent. Happy birthday anyway, Vincent!

Does February seem shorter to me? Everything seems shorter and faster to me now. Part of aging, I guess.

I am struggling to just enjoy each day. It's not easy. I'm not a natural optimist.  

But I'm learning, folks. Really, I am.

Until next time,

T. M. Strait

Mail Box Pet!

 

I opened the mailbox yesterday to see if we had any mail.

We did not.

Instead, we had a friend.  A small lizard.  I call it a gecko, but it may be something else.

It's not the first day in our mailbox.  Alison and I have both noticed it the last few days.

We're not bothered by it.  We just hope it has enough to eat.  And, believe me, the things it would eat are primarily things we would NOT want to run across in our mailbox.

I'm not sure how our postal person feels about it.  Hopefully, it's not illegal.

So, trust me.  We consider our little mailbox pet our friend, and we are glad to have him.  I just wish it would stop bringing up how we can save on insurance every time we see it.

Strait Line Book of Proverbs: Chaptereth 1

 Chaptereth One

1

A stitch in pine...requires special equipment.

2

An unwalked monkey...won't play the accordion.

3

Verily, I say unto thee - you cannot collect your justly earned inheritance...without a lawyer.

4

Love is the foundation...bricks and mortar will keep it sealed. Be sure to wait for the banging to stop before you invite anyone else over.

5

If at first you don't succeed...try doing it louder.

6

Fool me once...shame on me.  Fool me twice...I must be George Bush Jr.  Fool me three times...I must be a Trump voter.

7

You cannot win if you don't...have a good lawyer.  What can I say?  Lawyers are important.

8

Spare the Rod...and spoil The Twilight Zone.

9

Give a man a fish, and it will fill him up.  Teach a man to fish...on a lake you own so can charge him fees.  Have a lawyer set it up.  They're important.

10

Watch the skies.

11

Seriously.  Watch the skies.  You never know what's going to come out of them.  Probing by aliens is no fun. And even if you get a good lawyer, aliens are really hard to sue.

12

A penny saved...is hardly worth the effort.  Who knows?  Like the Canadians, we might get smart, and just round amounts up or down and not even use pennies. But, wait.  This is America,  Scratch that.  Keep the penny.  At least use them for scratch-off lottery tickets.  Don't use pennies to pay your lawyer.  They will just laugh at you.

The first chapter of The Strait Line Book of Proverbs is brought to you by the law firm of...

Dewey, Cheatham & Howe

666 Mordor Parkway

Mar-A-Lago, Fl 33480

Suitsrus@lost.com

561-555-5555

What I Choose vs. The Marketplace

 

What I choose:  Chewable multi-vitamins are always my top choice.  I settle for gummies if I can't find chewables.  I don't do horse pills. Anything larger than a baby aspirin is out.

What the marketplace has chosen:  It's a tie.  There are many horse pills, but there is at least an equal number of gummies. Running a distant third are chewables, which are getting harder and harder to find at all. And you can find an incredible number of different kinds - women, men, children, seniors, women over 50, men over 50, immunity, heart, Omega-3,, on and on.

What I choose: not to go on cruises.  It's not just COVID-19.  They are often breeding grounds for all kinds of viral afflictions. And being trapped on a boat, rocking in the middle of the ocean, doesn't strike me as fun.  The type of room I could afford would be no bigger than a crackerbox, and my uncontrolled overeating would leave me writhing with indigestion the whole trip.

What the marketplace has chosen:  I thought cruises would go the way of the dinosaurs, what with the pandemic and all.  They may not be what they were, but they still persist, and I  think they will survive.  I have friends who think of it as their preferred mode of vacation. So, yeah, I guess they will rebound and be as popular as ever.

What I choose: I use ketchup on Mexican foods.  I'm not a huge lover of super spicy hot foods, and ketchup helps cut that.

What the marketplace has chosen: Salsa.  Salsa is now the number one condiment in America. Nothing I do horrifies people so much as when I put ketchup on Mexican foods.

What I choose: not all, but many of the TV shows I watch are one or two season wonders, which barely make a blip in the ratings - Firefly, Timeless, Counterpart, The Cool Kids, WonderFalls,  Best of the West.

What the marketplace has chosen:  at least from the broadcast networks, endless variations of the same formulaic procedurals: the NCIS family of shows, Law 'n' Order variations, CSI*, FBI, and a whole evening of Chicago. And even in my favorite genre, SciFi, the shows that survive are blander and less intriguing, like Manifest and Supernatural**.  The jury is still out on La Brea, which has just been renewed for a second season. To me, it's already showing signs of not living up to its initial premise, but we shall see.

What I choose: comic books.  I've read them since I was 5, and I still read them at 66, including buying some current ones.

What the marketplace has chosen: comic book-based movies. Some of the super-hero-themed movies are obvious, but there is much beyond that, such as Legion, The Road to Perdition, Preacher, The Boys, and on and on.  I am constantly amazed by the number of Marvel and DC moviegoers who have such deep affection for their superheroes but HAVE NEVER READ A COMIC BOOK.

There is a lot more, particularly in politics, but I'll leave that to another post.  Suffice to say that most of my political choices leave me quite isolated in the area that I live in.

What choices have you made that are against the grain?

Until next time,

T. M. Strait

*in my household, there was an exception, the original CSI, now returned as CSI:Vegas.  

**I may be unfair to Supernatural - I've only seen the first episode.  There was a ghost on the ceiling that frightened Alison, and I skipped watching it on my own, and now with it having run a bazillion seasons, I feel too far behind to catch up.

A Narwhal Chistmas!

It's a Narwhal Christmas!

The world's weirdest creature* for the world's weirdest Christmas, as we do our best to celebrate together while celebrating apart. 

It's like a unicorn crossed with a whale.  Primarily inhabitants of the Canadian arctic, there are about 80,000 left in the world.  As the planet continues to warm and the Arctic melts, they may find their habitat dwindling.

The distinctive tusk is actually a tooth.  That would take a lot of Crest.  

One of our favorite parts of our favorite Christmas movie, Elf, is when the narwhal says goodbye to Buddy.  

Here is another view of the same quote.

Why am I repeating the same thing twice?

Because it is my blog, and I can get away with it.  Live on the edge, I always say.**

Alison loves the narwhal part so much, I got her this Narwhal onesy for Christmas. She loves it and will probably be wearing it as long as our weather is chilly.

Merry Christmas, y'all!  And don't forget - Christmas continues through Epiphany! 

* several creatures dispute the Narwhal being the weirdest, including the Sparklemuffin

**I don't really say that very much, but it sounds impressive don't it?

I Have Been a Roamer

 

The Strait Household jumps into the space age!

Quickly becoming a valued member of our family, he gets up and helps vacuum the floors every morning.  He's not the brand name Roomba; he's Eufy, a less well-known brand, but one that has won us over.

Alison had to set an app up on the phone, and it wanted her to name it.  We decided on Roamer.

And that's what Roamer does.  He roams around the house, picking up all the dirt and debris and, yes, a whole passel of dog hair.

At first, the dogs were bothered by Roamer, particularly Ellie. But they got used to it and now ignore it, just like they do the cat.

We have to make sure certain items it could get stuck on are not on the floor, like dog toys and such.  It likes to go under things, like chairs and other furniture.  Sometimes it gets stuck. In fact, it just beeped because it got stuck trying to get under the refrigerator, and I had to stop writing for a minute to get unstuck.

When Romer is finished, and its power is dwindling, it returns to its home base.

Recently, Roamer's battery died.  It was no longer under warranty (having expired just a couple weeks earlier).  Alison contacted the manufacturer, and they sent a battery replacement FREE OF CHAGE even though the warranty had expired!

Eufy may not be number one, but they certainly try harder.

We are grateful to have Roamer as part of our family!

Yeah, this isn't an earth-shattering topic,  But you know, with over 2,000 posts, not all of them are going to be about the fall of civilization or the meaning of life.

A Few Minutes to Say Hello

 Well, I have a few minutes I squirreled away to write. 

Let me take that time to say 

Hello!

Is that not exciting?  I found the color blue!

I wonder what else I can find!

HOLY KAMOLE'! THIS TEXT IS BIG!

There's a face button up there.  I wonder what that does.

☝👀👫💗😍😎💪🍎🐜🐕

What the heck are those things?

------

Ok, a brief check tells me these are EMOJIS.

I think that's Japanese for symbols you won't find on a 1973 Smith Corona.

I wonder if I can change their size.

👱👸👾

Wow!

I can mess with the background color.

Huh.  I'm not sure I like that.

Let me try one more thing.

Ok,  That messed with the background AND the text color!

There is so much more to explore but the time clock has ticked away my squirrely time.

GOODBYE!

This COVID-19 and politics-free post is brought to you by.....

T. M. Strait

Do you have a complete collection of T,M. Strait books?

Check out the Okefenokee Heritage Center, Amazon, or your public library today!

Our Mighty Oak: Keeping Your Distance 23

Spread, mighty Oak!  Spread!

The dominant feature of our back yard is this rather large oak tree.

I wrote about it last week and used a picture of it from our front yard, where you could see it looming over our house.

So, I won't repeat all the stuff I wrote in that blog story.  I'll just let y'all enjoy the pictures.

I figured out that if I turn my phone differently, I'll get a different type of frame for the picture.  The first was a wide shot.  This is what I call normal.

There are a lot more settings to take pictures from, but don't press your luck.  Someday I might learn about them.  Today is not the day.

That doesn't even include Snapchat.  Like what?  You want me to put dog ears or a pirate eye patch on this beautiful tree?  I don't think so.

There are two holes at the base of the tree.  I have no idea what they mean,  I think they are slightly deeper than when we first bought the house.  But who knows?  A tree doctor, I am not.

There's nothing in them.  Pixie keeps checking to be sure.

Yes, I'm trying to mix my pessimistic posts with some that ....are not so pessimistic.

Trust me.

In times like this, it ain't easy.

No Fooling this Year: Keeping Your Distance 9

Usually, I have an April Fool's blog post, where I run for Congress, or pretend I like Trump or something equally ridiculous like that.

This year, however, April Fool's is suspended.  Nothing could match what is going on in real life.

Instead, I will share a picture of one of my pets, as requested by a good friend.

This one is my retirement dog, Boss-A-Man.  We foster-failed with him at about the same time that I semi-retired from accounting.

He is a great dog, and I love him very much.  His smile looks like a snarl, but once you know him, you know how sweet a smile it is.  He loves to be held and be with people. He is always happy to see me and often gets in my lap.

He has several nicknames - Bossy, Sir Bark-A-Lot, the Turd Burglar (we really have to make sure the cat's litter box area is kept clean).

-------------------------------------------

What is wrong with me?  Why did I watch this show?  Why has EVERYONE watched this show?

Oh, yeah.  I forgot.  Many of us are on lockdown.

I had not planned on watching it.  But:

Tom:  This sounds horrible.  I don't want to watch it.

Alison:  I do.  I want to see what everyone is talking about.

Tom: OK, but you'll have to watch it yourself.

Alison turns it on.

Tom: OK.  I'll just watch the first episode with you.

End of Episode 1:

Tom:  Those are some funky-crap people.  Although that Carole Baskin seems nice.

Tom: OK.  I'll see one more.

Soon:

Tom:  Oh, my God.  She changed the legal papers to INCLUDE disappearance?  Who the hell does that?

Alison:  At least we've seen all the crazy people we can handle.

Tiger King, next episode:  Hold my beer.  Here comes Jeff  Lowe.

End of Series:

Tom:  I need to take a shower.  I will never be clean of that mess.



Oh, America!  What has quarantine driven us to?

I'm Tom Strait. And This is 2020

Happy 2020!

Thanx and a hat's tip to Barbara Walters for a meme that starts the new year out right!

So, is this a new decade or not?  I guess the new decade technically doesn't start until 2021, but technicalities don't always rule the day.

It feels like a new decade.  If I say the twenties, thinking to last century, I instinctively put 1920 into it.  So, yeah, maybe 2020 isn't the start of this century's twenties, but...nah, it feels like it, true or not.


No personal goals here.  I just want to enjoy life and my family to the fullest.  I'll just do the things I love; stay active, be caring, inevitably stress about things I can't control, consume and participate in my great passion - storytelling.

There are things that I pray will emerge in this new decade - true universal health care, a Green New Deal, a higher minimum wage, greater unionization, and, of course, we all know what the super biggie is -  the end of the Trump Presidency.  Whether by conviction, resignation, or voted out, somehow, our national nightmare has to come to a conclusion.

Of course, there are many pitfalls to the decade as well.  Many negative trends need to be reversed, first and foremost, global warming. I know there are many reasons to be pessimistic, but as this decade begins, I would like to concentrate on hope.

Best wishes to you and your family as we embark on the journey through a new decade!

Tidbitting the Tuesday

Just starting out with a Canadian sunset.

Why?

Why not?

------------------------------

I am looking forward to the holidays.  I am spending time trying to clear my work schedule so I can spend more time at home with my family.  Benjamin will be coming home on Tuesday evening and will be spending about five days with us.

----------------------

Work is not cooperating as the information I need to complete assignments is coming in very slowly. I would like it to be faster, but sometimes the horse don't drink.  So I need to be patient.

---------------------------

Sports have faded again, as soccer season is over, and most of the football teams I follow continue to disappoint.  Michigan Wolverines are not having the worst season ever, but neither will they be going to the national championship playoff.

Nevertheless....fifty years ago, in 1969, Ohio State was demolishing everybody by wide margins.  Sports Illustrated ran a story implying they were the best college football team of the century!

Then, at the end of the regular season, the Michigan Wolverines, led by coach Bo Schembechler, unexpectedly upended the Woody Hayes led Ohio State Buckeyes in one of the greatest upsets in sports history.

On this fifty-year anniversary, that would be a nice thing to revisit.

------------------------------

Trump's Walter Reed visit on Saturday?

Who knows?

Many of the "routine" things that could be done could easily be done at the White House.  As of writing this, he has strangely disappeared from public view.

Who knows?

You only know that he and his team have no credibility and can't be believed.

So who knows?

All I know is that exaggerations of the health of Hillary Clinton were rampant in the Fall of 2016, promulgated by Russian hackers and bots and gleefully promoted by the Trump people.

I'll never forget a co-worker showing me a doctored video of Hillary head's shaking as if she had epilepsy, thinking he had caught the Zapruder film, convinced that she was mentally damaged.  Nothing could persuade him otherwise.  The Russians had him - hook, line, and sinker.

Will he notice what's going on with Trump's health right now?  Won't raise his curiosity one iota.

--------------------------------

Pictures of people in community theater are a-bounding on my facebook feed.  Something about a challenge to show 10 theater pictures in 10 days, then you have to challenge another theatre person to do the same.   I show theatre pictures all the time.  I would have no trouble doing that.  I would not challenge others.  I really don't like to do anything that even remotely smacks of chain mail.

----------------------

Does anyone understand this meme?  I don't mean the words at the top.  That's something about the pronunciation of a town here in Southeast Georgia.  I'm not smart enough to edit that part out.  I mean the two pictures.  I mean, what's up with that?  How is this so popular? Separately or in conjunction with each other, they make no sense to me.

Social media is a weird and strange place.

If I were brighter, I would create this -

Woman:  You!  Social media person!  Why are you doing this?  How does this make any sense?

Cat:  How would I know?  I'm a cat inexplicably in front of a salad.  Does anything make any sense?


Anyways, something else will come up next week, probably even weirder.

Ta Ta to Tidbits for now!

T. M. Strait

A Buggy Mountain Top

I have been to the mountain top.

Of course, in Pierce County, that is a double-stacked fire ant mound.

It stung considerably.  Before I passed out in pain, I was able to tumble to the bottom.

Later, the rains came and washed the mountain top away,  Then the bug spray guy came and really wiped it out.

You can't really get along very well without a bug spray guy.  I think they call them extraerminators.  It's a significant way to make a living down here.

I wish they could spray for gnats, but that's probably asking for too much.

Sometimes there's a bug spray truck that fogs for mosquitoes, I think.  Mosquitoes are dangerous, and with climate change, they are bringing up more and more tropical diseases.  It seems like a lock that any dog here gets heartworms unless they are on heartworm preventative.  We used to foster dogs, and they had heartworms more often than not.  Our last adoptee has heartworms, and they thought he was too old for the fast kill, so they did a slow kill, which has not been working like it should.  So now Boss-A-Man is undergoing a "slow-fast kill,"  and I hope it works.  I have to keep him calm, which is not always easy to do, but I am doing my best.

We had a rat in the storage room, so our bug spray guy has set out things to eliminate that.  They are supposed to kill the rat, but not a cat if he eats the rat. That is very thoughtful.  Thank you, Monsanto.  For that and Equal, which was a failed pesticide.

Our bug spray guy is named Neil.  He is a very nice man.  His wife is ill, and we all pray for her continued recovery.

I understand the biological necessity of bees.  I know they are necessary for a healthy ecosystem.  My middle son has a beehive in his backyard for honey and such.  I understand their value.  That doesn't stop me from panicking when they are around me.  Bees, wasps, hornet - all give me phobia level heebie-jeebies.  Gnats and mosquitoes drive me crazy, mosquitoes because they freaking bite me, and gnats because of the buzz around my ears and eyes.  And, yes, I've tried all kinds of repellants, but they still love me.  That love is not mutual.

We should be headed into a more bug-free season, but here in the South Swamp Land, they never truly go away.  We might have a day with a high of 55, followed closely by a day of a high with 90.

Every day below 60, I treasure because I finally can go outside and enjoy myself.

I have been to the mountain top.  And it so much more enjoyable on a chilly Autumn day.

Petty Peeves: We Don't Have That

I try to be a good customer.  I really do.

I know how tough service work is and how rude some customers can be.  We've all heard the horror stories.  We've all witnessed bad behavior.

I hate the word "triggered."  It's used often to depict those who get upset if they're political or social world view is challenged.  Nevertheless, it's semi-appropriate for my transformation from good customer to bad customer when this certain thing happens.

And what is that certain thing?

When I ask for an item that is on the menu board at a fast-food restaurant, and the clerk looks blank-eyed and bored, and says, "We don't have that." And they say it in a way that makes you feel like a fool for even asking.

But me?  I don't move on. I should just let it go, but my transformation begins.

Me:  (pointing to the menu board) But it's right up there.

Clerk:  We don't have it.

Me: Shouldn't you cross it off the board?

Clerk:  That's not my job.

Me:  Well, I would like to ask for something different, but I'm sort of scared as to whether you have it or not.

Clerk:  (says nothing.  just looks blankly.  when is this fool gonna finish?)

Me:  (makes another selection, which they must have because the clerk silently adds it to total).

Clerk:  $7.93.

Me:  (quietly raging) Thank you.

Yep.  That's me in fierce bad customer mode.  I thank her again.  I thank the person who hands me the completed order.  I go home and vent to Alison later.


Usually, I'm good.  At a sit-down restaurant, even when service is not so hot, I still tip between 15 to 20%.  The job's not easy.  People have a hard day.  I understand.


But something flips in my head when I'm told blank-eyed like they're talking to a wall, "We don't have that."

Would it be so hard to say, "I'm sorry.  We're temporarily out of that item. May I recommend something else, like our fine Mac 'n' Chips?"

Maybe it doesn't have to be that obsequious. But there has to be something more polite than sneering, "We don't have that."

Don't get me wrong.  It can go too far the other way.  The Stepford Wife-like cheeriness I often run across at Chick-fil-A can be disturbing in its own way.  Sometimes it seems sincere.  Other times it seems forced.

Really.  I'm s better customer than that.  It's just the darn triggering when I hear that cold, uncaring phrase, "We don't have that."

Oh, well.  Luckily, I don't have all that many petty peeves.

Although concerning words that make my skin crawl, we may soon have to discuss "hydrate," which for some reason, is beginning to bother me more and more.

People are strange.

Well, at least I am.

Party Cracker! Party Party Cracker!

Party Cracker!

Party Party Cracker!

Come on ovuh my house!

It's not just a cracker - it's a party!

I was all set for a typical weekend, me and Bob and a dog named Boo, when I see these jewels of the condiment kingdom hidden in the back of the pantry.

Where do they come from?

I don't know.

Do I remember ever acquiring them?  Did I see them in the store and explode with joy - That's what I need!  That's the item than can turn an ordinary party into

The Party of the Ages!

But could I make this more special?  What could take this TEN and dial it up to ELEVEN?

Pub Cheese!

And not just any Pub Cheese...

President Pub Cheese!

If you're going to Pub it, you might as well go for the Pub Cheese in Chief!  (Any similarities to the current Orange Cheeto in charge is purely coincidental).

Wait!  What?  I don't got no Pub Cheese!

Sorry, Party Crackers.

Party is delayed as I go on a quest for...

President Pub Cheese!

Huh?  What? Alison just shook me awake.

What the heck did I write?  How did that happen?

Man, I musta had Scrooge level indigestion last night.

No Deposit Slip for YOU!

Benjamin is so grown up.

He has his own bank account!

He was given some checks, and a small clutch of deposit slips.

This week, he received a reimbursement check from the College to cover the books he paid for but had the funds already set aside in his college account.    Yesterday I had my own deposit to take to the bank, so I tried to ready his deposit as well.  His deposit slips were gone!  We had used them all!

What to do?  Alison wrote on a sticky Benjamin's name and account number and said that should work.  Ok, I thought, if you say so.  I prefer a deposit slip, but maybe we can figure that out later.

I have been using deposit slips since Day One of having bank accounts.  I like to make out the slips for whatever checks I have, add them up, and then take out a small fraction in cash,  That is what I like.  That is the way that I roll.

I asked a fellow employee at the firm what he did for cash, as he did the mobile deposit thing (you take a picture of your check and then it gets magically to the right place).  He said
"Wally World!"  Yep, he goes to Wal-Mart (regularly, I guess) and opts for more than the purchase price.  I suppose that's ok, but I've never done that, and I'm not sure I could wrap my head around doing it.

Alison has direct deposit, which is cool, but it is not offered by my employer.  That makes me the family cash man.  Alison just takes what she needs from my wallet.  Sometimes that can be a surprise.

When I got to the bank and gave the teller the deposits, I explained that Benjamin had run out of deposit slips.  She was very cheery and said that he didn't need deposit slips, that Alison's prepared sticky with name and account number was all that she needed.  I didn't know what to say.  Deposit slips aren't needed? All I could thank of  was to blurt out, "I like deposit slips!" like I was Rain Man going, "I like Judge Wapner!"

I looked back to a center counter where they had slots for different items like deposit slips - ALL EMPTY!  They didn't even have the pen on a chain!  What was the world coming too?

I confirmed with another one of the bank staff, and yes, they weren't providing deposit slips anymore, not even the blank ones you could fill out at the bank.  It was something they were moving away from.  My employer had been to the same bank earlier and was told they were no deposit slips available.

In my business as a CPA, I had not noticed a reduction in the use of deposit slips.  Many of our clients have multiple checks to deposit, and I thank all that is blessed and holy that I can still see that information when trying to do their accounting.  I don't know how this change is going to affect small businesses, but I guess it won't be long before I find out.

I suppose I could use the ATM, but I don't much like that either.  I'd have to dig up whatever my pin number is somewhere.

I like doing banking the way I that I do it.  If some of you prefer mobile deposit, or direct deposit, more power to you.  The world (especially Wally World) lies at your fingertips.

Me?  I'm gonna hold out as long as I can, even if I have to discover bootleg sources for deposit slips.

Yes, I am officially old and stubborn, and will do whatever it takes to remain in the world of deposit slips!

UPDATE:  I'm getting a lot of advice as to how to get deposit slips, which I appreciate.  The point of the blog is more about how banks are starting to dissuade the use of deposit slips, moreso than as to whether consumers can finagle ways to get them and defy the growing trend away from deposit slips.

I'm down to about three deposit slips fro myself, and zero for Benjamin, so I'll let you know soon.

Field of No Dreams

I had dreams today.  I had visions of writing, maybe tackling a penultimate section of The Extra Credit Club  Getting out a soul-satisfying 1,000 to 2,000 words.

But no.  My yard had other plans.

As I took out the garbage and looked at the length of our grass, I knew I was doomed.  It was already high enough to make our house look abandoned.  This was the last thing I wanted to deal with, but the rains of the last two weeks have forced my hand.

Saturday, my usual time to mow, we have other commitments. There is shopping that needs to be done in preparation for Benjamin's going off to college, including clothes and dorm room stuff.

Can't do it in the afternoons because it's too damn hot, and if not, it's because of afternoon rains.

This is one of the last times this season that I can get some help from Benjamin.   He is not up yet.  When he does get up, he will not be happy, because he did not know we were going to do this.  I did not realize until I took out the garbage, and realized we were about three day's growth away from our neighbors wanting us to move.

I do not have a riding lawnmower.  All I've got left is this old Sear's lawnmower.  The top part has come off, and it starts up after you've about pulled your arm off and you pray (or curse) very intensely.

THIS HAS BEEN A SPECIAL KIND OF BLOG POST CALLED A KVETCH.  YES, I KNOW THAT THERE ARE MANY SERIOUS PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD AND THIS IS INSIGNIFICANT.  bUT ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU JUST HAVE TO KVETCH ABOUT THE MUNDANE.  SO DEAL.

Anyhoo, it's 8 AM now, and I need to get started before the gnats, and mosquitoes get too bad.  I think I'm going to have to wake up the boy and let him know.

This should be fun.