2013: A Year in Rear View

2013. It was the year my father died.

I won't kid you.  When ever I remember 2013, that is the first thing that will come to my mind.  I don't care that he was 91.  I was not ready to say goodbye.  As many friends and frequent readers of this blog know, no one had more influence in shaping my life for the better than he did.

Every Sunday at 2 PM, I would call him.  It gave a routine that would help him be ready and plan for my call.  This last year, there were calls that were a struggle, as his voice was clouded by esophagus damage, and sometimes he was tired or not able to concentrate like he used to.  But other calls were wonderful, lucid and charming.

I will miss his stories.  I will miss his polite charm, and his calm demeanor, and his unconditional love.  How he played with the grandchildren, his wry sense of humor, his incredibly strong work ethic  He taught me that it was possible to combine personal conservatism with political liberalism.

Besides the beautiful memories of him, I inherited one of the most precious gifts I could.  I have nine binders filled with his stories, going back 13 generations.  He has given me a rich, vital and living heritage.  One that I intend to preserve and share.

I miss your physical presence, Dad.  Your light will shine on in me for as long as I live.  And it will shine to all those who knew you, and to the generations that will hear his stories, and know of the kindness, generosity and caring that is Eugene Everett Strait,

2013.  It was the year of conflict in the organizations I loved.

I learned the hard way that you can't please all the people all of the time.  No matter how non-confrontational I tried to be, I had people get upset with me in several organizations.  When you have an opinion, sometimes people are going to object.  And sometimes, despite your best efforts, it gets personal.

Often, I felt like getting angry.  I felt like matching fire with fire.  If I came on stronger, I might have won several battles, but in doing so, I might have lost the war.  I struggle every day to be inclusive, to not blow things up.

Even though I often express my opinions, I do get upset when I am not liked.  It is a dangerous dance card to hold.  As I grow older, however, my age and sense of religious centering, and remembering how my father behaved, I have had better luck in controlling my anger and sense of lashing out, and whether I have won or lost my battles, I have done so in a way that has best preserved the organizations involved.  Or I have at least tried.

2013.  It was a year where I ended with fewer close friends.

As is the wont of time, some people that I was close to have moved farther apart from me.  Part of it is the organizational conflicts I have experienced.  Part of it is just time and the nature of change.

I don't make friends easily.  I tend to do well with close friends, fair to poor with acquaintances, and really badly with secondary friends.  I find it hard to resume close friendships with people I only see sporadically, and put on the airs of close friendship as if we had not been apart.  The curtain of shyness in me descends too quickly, and I have to start over from scratch again.

Facebook has helped bridge some of those gaps, but there is a natural ebb and flow there as well.  People are active, and then fade away.  It has been a blessing to me, afflicted with a modest case of selective mutism, as I have connected with people that I normally would never hear from.  I do wonder how durable Facebook is, or if it's just another fad, and that in a year or two, I'll just be talking to myself.

I have formed a new friend or two during the year.  And I am grateful for that.

2013.  It was the year I lost my advertising.

I had advertising on this blog, but lost it mid-year,  I encouraged Flying Dragoneers to click my ads, and that I would share half the ad revenue with them.  Well, too many clicks came from too few people, and I got busted.  They took away my advertising forever and ever, no reprieve and no repeal, for this and any other blog site I create.

Sometimes, something happens and you get over it easier than you anticipated, and you move on.  That is not the case here.  I have not been able to forget it and it still hurts.  I pretend that writing is just a hobby, and that I understand that I am a mediocrity and that I'm just doing it for fun.  That is not true.  I want to succeed.  Whether it makes sense or not, I want to make enough money at it that I then can leave accounting.

And, as much as losing advertising hurts, and it does HURT, I hope it is the kick in the pants I need to take my  writing to the next step.  I hope to have e-books available before the year is out.  I hope to have things ready to present to publishers.  I may not make it, but I will not stop trying.

2013.  It was the year retirement moved a little farther away.

We have had a slight financial change in our household circumstances, and the result is not devastating, but we will need to be more cautious, and my plans for when and how I retire may be delayed.

Actually, though it made me a little sad, it really has not disturbed me too much.  We have our family, and we love each other.  We've been poor ,and we've been well off.  But we've always had each other.

Besides, you never know.  I could write the Great American Novel.

But first I have to finish it.

Happy New Year, Strait Line Readers!  Wishing you all the best in the year to come!