Confessions In the Garden of New Life Part Three

There he was, hunkered down between the azaleas and the large oak tree at the center of the courtyard, a garden of flowers and trees meant to be a soothing reprieve in the  middle of the New Life complex, something to look out on and be reminded of the beauty of God's creation.

Dabs was there, shivering, kneeling, his head down.  Pastor Dan wondered if it had been so smart contracting for Dabs to assist with the gardening.  It was hard to ignore the appeal of Sheriff Alan, and it might lead to the Denison clan joining the church.  Besides, the frank truth, off the books labor was very helpful to the bottom line.  No need to mess with minimum wage or that god-cursed government.

Dabs Denison was a veteran of the United States Army, having served in both Iraq and Afghanistan.  But something happened the last tour and he came back with that, what do they call it?  Post Dramatic Stress Disorder, something like that.  Pastor Dan promised himself that he would Google it later, and try to become better informed.

Maybe he had brought a time bomb onto the New Life grounds.  Everyone told him the Dabs wasn't dangerous.  But when dealing with something like this, who knew?  Maybe he was just a-waiting, just a-seething inside, just to lash out in one horrible, violent burst.

That certainly wasn't the way he looked right now.  Skinny, shivering, folded in on him self, looking close to tears; Pastor Dan couldn't see how Dabs would be a threat to anyone but himself.

He moved closer to Dabs.  "What's the matter, Dabs?  Anything we can help you with?"  Dabs looked up at him, with a seeking, confused expression.  "Do you want to take a break?  Do you want us to call Edna?"

"Father....I mean Preacher...sir," Dabs stuttered out.  "Do you take confessions?"

Father?  Confessions? What was up with the Catholic thing today?  First Janet Roper, and now this? They weren't enough Catholics in Crowley to fill a Volkswagen Beetle.  Oh well.  Shake it off, he thought.  This man needed his help.  "Well, Dabs, we really don't do 'confessions', but if you want to be counseled, then later give testimony and accept you savior, nothing would please me more."

Dabs grimaced.  "Oh, I accept Jesus, Father.  I'm just not sure he accepts me."

Then you really haven't accepted him, have you?  "It's Pastor Dan, Dabs.  We're not that formal or fancy here.  Just Pastor Dan will do.  And there is nothing that our Lord and Savior can't forgive, I promise you that.  Now if you'll just come over here and sit with me on this bench, I can counsel you."

Dabs got up slowly, reluctantly, but soon they were sitting at opposite ends of a bench overlooking the hibiscus and iris.  They sat quietly for a minute.

"Now, Dabs, what can I do to bring you to new life in Christ?" began Pastor Dan.

"I told you, Fath...Pastor, I believe."  Dabs paused and looked skyward. "Well, I used to believe.  I'm not sure anymore."

"Let me assure you.  God's love is for everyone."

Dabs suddenly dropped off the bench, genuflected, and folded his hands together, head bowed.  "Please forgive me Father; it has been ten years since my last confession..."

"Dabs!  I told you...."  Pastor Dan sighed.  Did it really matter?  If he could bring Dabs along, he could shake out the Papist crap later.  "It's all right, Dabs.  What is it you want to, uh, confess?"

"I...I...think," Dabs slowly, shudderingly started, and then, his voice dropping to a chilling whisper, "I think I killed him."

The hairs on Pastor Dan's neck rose.  He suddenly feared that being alone in the garden with this disturbed Vet might not be the smartest thing he's done.  He looked and saw tat the windows overlooking the garden Doc Stratton. Dana Montague and a few others.  He was grateful that his love of the second amendment included the ability to pack heat while on church grounds.  He didn't have one on him, but he was fairly sure Doc did.  But...Dabs couldn't, could he?  He started to sweat a bit.

"You....think you killed who, Brother Dabs?"  That's it, Pastor Dan thought.  Call him Brother, make him feel more included, even if he wasn't officially saved.

"The...the boy.  Not much older than my boys."

"You...you...killed a boy?"

Dabs did not look up at him, but continued talking.  "It was...over there.  We were told that this Afghani house, this mud hut, had a terrorist leader who was responsible for an attack that had killed three U.S. soldiers.  We got there, and there was just old men, women, and...and..."

Dabs stopped.  He stayed like that for over a minute.  Pastor Dan feared Dabs had gone catatonic.  "Go on, my...son," he said.  Ugh!  That was something he heard on M*A*S*H or some movie.  He would have to shower the Catholic off of him after this.

"We burst down the last door.  We saw...movement.  Will and I...we...we couldn't stop ourselves.  We fired, without really thinking.  By the time the fear cleared...."

Dabs was crying, shaking.  "H-he was a boy.  J-just a...boy.  And he lay there, shot a dozen times.  And he couldn't be put back together.  There was nothing I could do. I couldn't go back and make it not happen!"

He grabbed Pastor Dan's arm, fiercely.  "That's what I want, Father Dan.  More than anything!  I want God to go back and make it not happen.  I want more than forgiveness!  I want to make it not so!"

Pastor Dan's heart was racing a mile a minute.  He had spent a lifetime feeling in utter control, and now he felt completely lost as what to do.  "We can't turn back, the awfulness of what happens in war.  I wish we could, Dabs.  It's not your fault; you were doing the right thing.  Your intentions were good."

"I don't give a shit about intentions!  I give a shit about that boy!"  Dabs looked into Pastor Dan's eyes, trying to bore into his soul. "Please, Father, I'm sorry...so sorry!  I know it won't bring the boy back, but please, Father, forgive my sins!"

"I..I can't do that, Dabs.  It doesn't work that way.  You need to ask God for forgiveness, not me.  And the great news is, he will accept and you can testify before the altar, and Christ will enter your heart and you will be saved and you will dwell forever in new life in his love and grace."

Dabs started to chant.  "Hail, Mary, full of grace..."

Pastor Dan wanted to shout at him to stop but he stayed his voice.  Soon, Dabs was just sobbing. wretched sounds as if he was throwing up his soul.  Pastor Dan reached out his hand to put it on Dab's shoulder, but pulled it back at the last second, hesitating for some reason he didn't understand.  Before he could change his mind, he heard someone approach them.

It was Edna, Dab's wife.  She was a solid woman, about as tall as Dabs, but about twice the weight.  She looked pale and haggard.  "Come home with me, Dabs.  It's been a long day and it's time to rest."

Dabs let go of Pastor Dan's arm and got up from his crouch and said meekly.  "Yes, dear."  She took his hand and they turned to leave.  "I can't get forgiveness, Edna.  I tried but I just couldn't."

"God forgives him, Edna.  The light of Christ awaits him.  Let me check with some of the veterans in our brethren and I'm sure we could hold a meeting that would help Dabs walk towards that light."

Edna turned back and stared at him coldly.  "I think we've done enough for now.  Good day, Pastor."

"Let me know, Edna, and I will set that meeting up, pronto."

"We'll see."  Edna and Dabs walked out of New Life.

Pastor Dan was alone in the garden.

Except for a coral snake that Pastor Dan saw quietly slither by.