No Appeal, No Hope: Adsense Nonsense

I admit it.

I brought it on myself.

I wanted to help the Flying Dragon.  I wanted to have a source of support for them that could be steady if not spectacular.  They were going to be moving in a direction where I would have to sell more things to family and friends, such as donuts and dinners, something I am not very good at.  So I had a brain fart that if I gave them a larger percentage of ad revenue from my blog, that might help show that my heart is in the right place, and substitute for my lack  of personal fundraising ability.

Then it started to work.

All too well.

We're not talking Bill Gates numbers.  My previous monthly high was mid-thirties, and it was approaching the mid-eighties.  I noticed that some people might be a tad too enthusiastic, and tried to put some tentative break on excess.  But not too hard.  I had to admit I wanted to see how high it could go.

I suspected that some were clicking excessively.  That there might be a problem with too many clicks coming from the same computer.  But in my naivety, this is what I thought would happen - that it would cut off clicks from that location, that it would  just shut off for the eager beaver.  At most, I though I might get a warning.

No such luck.

The morning after my account exceeded the $100 where they would pay me, I got an email that Adsense was closing my account.  Permanently.  I had one appeal and then it would be done.  I was filled with so much guilt and shame that I did the appeal, but of course I was too honest and confessional.  And of course, they rejected my appeal.

And now my ads are gone.

Forever.

It further stated that if I start another blog, I would not be allowed ads on that either.

Given the nature of our society, where redemption and second chances abound, I was stunned and depressed.  How could it be so final, for a slightly overeager misstep?  Even violent criminals get three strikes.  Even convicts get to come back into society (except for, in many states, voting - but that has more to do with voter suppression than it does punishment).

I have tried to move on, continue my blog but refocus on other writing opportunities.But I can't shake the depression, that the blog I have worked so hard to build is now a shadow.  Making enough money on my blog to quit work was a foolish, stupid pipe dream, but it at least it was a dream.  Now, there is no hope.  And whether it's related to the loss of Adsense or not, my blog page views are dropping, from a high of 5,000 a month to this month less than 3,000.

It's frustrating.  Heck, yesterday, even OJ Simpson got pardoned for some of his crimes.

But not me.  I have been confined to a lifetime of writing in an ad-less environment.

I will survive.  I will grow.  I will turn my energies into something even more promising to my writing career.

But it still hurts.