It wasn't very often that Crowley made the national
news.
There were the Chockataw double
murders that occurred in July of 1949.
Two young girls found on the Waconee
Bridge
In the fall of 1993, a paparazzi
picture of Jane Fonda and Ted Turner eating at The Chicken Hut made the
tabloids. In the corner, in what would
now be called a photo bomb, was a grinning Maybeen Herreld, owner of that fine
establishment. The picture was still
hung in the restaurant, although some vandal had drawn a Leninesque goatee on
Jane Fonda.
But, thanks to Youtube and Facebook
and Twitter and countless other social media, thanks to 24 hour news and blogs
and partisan hackery of all sizes and shapes, nothing out of Crowley had gotten
as big as this, as quickly as this.
Congressman Winston had rolled into
town as part of a town hall tour during one of Congress' frequent breaks. That was okay with many Crowley residents, as they really didn't expect
Congress to do much of anything anyways.
And it was at the town hall where footage of Dotty Mathers challenging
Congressman Stan Winston was taken, and then shortly after went viral.
The town hall was held in Judge
Strickland's courtroom where two evenings before, the ghost of Laura Gurney had
manifested before the Ghost Squad. That
footage might have created quite a stir, but the Squad was still reviewing it,
and was not quite sure what to do with it yet.
A who's who of Crowley 's more politically conservative
residents were there. They included
Maybeen Herreld and her sister-in-law Doreen, State Farm agent and Honey Dew
Lunch Bunch member Andy Caldwell and his brother, Mayor Terry Caldwell. There was Houston Graves, the CPA and Lunch
Buncher. Sitting in the back was the Civics teacher Ronnie Smith. Up front near the Congressman was Forrest
Compton, owner of the Okefenokee Bank & Trust. And seated in the middle was Pastor Dan and
some of his contingent, including Maryanne MacDonald and the strident Dotty
Mathers.
Watching the proceedings from the
sidelines was Sheriff Alan Steel. He was
there because he had a favor to ask of Congressman Stan Winston. He had promised Dabs Denison he would do what
he could to speed up his military disability, and that's what he was going to
do, even if he had to sit through a lot of hogwash and balderdash to do it.
The town hall went back and forth,
most questions soft balls to Winston, with no challenges posed to him from the
left or the center. Then Dotty Mathers
took the microphone.
She started with the usual
rants. Why would he not do more to
repeal Obamacare? Why was he not leading
the way to impeach that foreign born dictator?
Why wasn't he doing more to stop abortion? Would he be willing to shut down the
government if they did not get their way on the debt ceiling? On and on it went, with the practiced Winston
deflecting what she said, agreeing with 99% of it.
But, of course, 99% is nowhere near
good enough for Dotty Mathers.
She kept her large framed body planted
firmly in front of the microphone.
Others behind her were getting antsy, but she would have none of
it. Even Pastor Dan was getting a little
worried. Violet Ridge, reporter for The
Crowley Gazette, was recording it all on her cell. "Congressman Winston, what are you going
to do about the food stamp program? It
is fraught with abuse, perpetuating laziness and dependence, my tax dollars being
drained to support good for nothings who just need to buck up and take care of
themselves. Why, just the other day, I
had a woman in front of me using food stamps while wearing jewelry fancier than
anything I could dream of having, and sporting an expensive, state of the art
manicure! We have to stop this program
and the waste it generates. I need my
money I worked hard for to support my own family and church, not for some good
for nothings who are too lazy to support themselves!"
Wild applause broke out. Congressman Winston tried to martial a
response. "Well, Dotty, I couldn't
agree with you more that there is plenty of abuse in the Food Stamp system. We need to do a lot of tightening up of
standards and eliminate the many cheaters off the system. And no able-bodied person should be receiving
free government cheese, believe me! Of
course, this is not always easy to accomplish when you're dealing with the
"Food Stamp President!"
"No sir! I did not say police the program! I say that we eliminate it all together! Let God and church provide to those in
need! The federal government is not
God! Especially when it is run by so
many godless people, including a filthy Muslim foreigner at its head!" Dotty was in her full glory.
"Well, I don't know about
eliminating the program, Dotty. There
are some people in genuine need, and..."
"Sir!" Dotty interrupted,
in a powerful, commanding voice that boomed across the courtroom. "Are you a religious man?"
Congressman Winston's hair bristled
on the back of his neck. "Well, you
know that I am. I am a devout Christian
and believer...."
"Are you now? Really?
Are you not Episcopalian?"
"Yes, Dotty, I am. It is a fine church, one of the oldest
denominations in America ..."
"Are you talking about the
same group that tolerates gays and even has a gay Bishop? Even a religious ceremony to bless gay
couples? They do not officially condemn
abortion! You can be in their church and
not take the word of god literally! I
say to you all here, does that sound like Christianity to you?"
There were loud shouts of no, but
some were feeling unease. Sheriff Alan
was wondering if he would have to intervene.
Winston tried to reply, but Dotty
kept plowing ahead. "I prayed and
listened to God before coming here, Congressman Winston, and his answer was so
clear, it drove me to my knees! Your
time is up, sir! It is time for a godly
man, a true conservative, a real Christian to take your place! You will be challenged next year, and it will
be God's triumphant truth that wins!"
Congressman Winston tried to
retort, but a group of Pastor Dan's people started singing Onward Christian
Soldiers, and the meeting ended in chaos.
Afterwards, Sheriff Steel finally
got a moment with the Congressman.
"I try, Andy. I really
do. But sometimes it's real hard staying
on top of the crazy train," said an exhausted Winston. "Maybe I'd be better off just leaving on
my own. The Americans For Better Healthcare
and National Timber Council both would pay me fat money to be their lobbyist."
"Before you do that,"
dryly said Sheriff Alan Steel, "maybe you could help me out with one
little thing." And then Alan told
him all about Dabs Denison and his disability needs.
"I will do every thing in my
power to help, Alan. I won't forget how
much difference your support made a year ago.
And now that I see some of the people you helped steer my way, I realize
what a tough task you had. But I have to
warn you. My fellow Republicans have
been chopping away at veterans programs as much as they can get away with. It'll be a hard favor to call in when I got
people like Dotty Mathers who see any government benefit as ungodly evil."
"Let me tell you something
about Dotty," the Sheriff began.
"Dotty is hardly what I would call a taxpayer. She brags about how her husband's radiator
shop has "no reportable income" after deductions. She is on my list of people to collect years
of back property taxes. She may be many
things, but taxpayer ain't one of them."
"Well, that could be good to
know in the coming days. Thank you
kindly, Alan. You have my word. Your friend's benefits will be fast tracked,
even it's the last thing I do in Congress. One thing's for sure. This is my last town hall. I'm only doing phone conferences and events
where the questions are preselected.
Democracy has just gottten too dangerous" They shook hands and
Congressman Stan Winston took his leave, shoulders slumped and head bowed.
The Crowley Crazy Train Express was
just starting to pick up steam. Interesting times, indeed.
No comments:
Post a Comment